Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   hates being bi-polar. It's awesome.

   trading his mother-in-law for a stud service and willing to add cash

   still looking for his future mother-in-law with only one very nice and sexy daugther

   Someone is thinking about sex....OK it's me :)

   I organized a three some last night....there were a couple of no-shows but I still had a good time

   Ya Know?!?......The number of ways I could care less...... is astounding!

   I wonder where Harold Camping is hiding these days? Is he counting the millions of $$$ he scammed from his followers? He's a disgrace to the human race.

   She: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that's vanity? He: No. I think that's imagination.

   The biggest difference between my wife and a bear is that sometimes, if I play dead, the bear will leave me alone.

   Jail..the government's way of sending you to your room.

   I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn't reach very far.

   Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.

   Everyone is always having a good time, till someone poops in the punch bowl

   Just when you think your the center of attetion...I show up

   Just to let you know, Tequila and Tazers are a bad combo. We will miss you Sparky.

   Heard that you should carry whiskey with you in case of snakebite. In related news: I just bought a snake.

   My cup of care \_/ ... ooh look... it's empty..

   I'd f**k your brains out...unfortunately someone beat me to it

   When I say I'm fine it doesn't always mean I'm fine, but what it does mean is leave me the hell alone

   wouldn't have to manage her anger if certain people would manage their stupidity.