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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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You know you've made a serious vocational error, if you're covered in blood, crap, or oil by 6am.
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05-24-2011 18:09 by
Goodeolboy
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wondering if Harold Camping is going to stop picking random dates for the end of the world when we reach 2013 and his Mayan calender has expired
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05-24-2011 17:09
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Make sure your goals are unattainable so you'll feel a little better about giving up later.
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05-24-2011 17:04 by
Marshall the Great
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I could never trust a psychic who hasn't won the lottery at least once.
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05-24-2011 17:02 by
Marshall the Great
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I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn't reach very far.
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05-24-2011 17:00 by
Marshall the Great
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Community Service Announcement - When attempting the Karma Sutra always be sure to stretch first, else you may end up pulling something!
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05-24-2011 16:59
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After sending a risky text, a minute feels like an eternity.
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05-24-2011 16:57 by
Marshall the Great
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Nothing screams "I don't care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
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05-24-2011 16:56
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I posted on your wall. No, not Facebook, look at the side of your house. :)
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05-24-2011 16:55 by
Marshall the Great
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I take my garbage & recycling to the curb 2 days before pickup just to see if the neighbors are actually paying attention to anything else sinister I may be up to and answer, “No; pickup is tomorrow, I'm quite sure of it.”
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05-24-2011 16:49
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OMG! Only 151 more shopping days until New Rapture, October 21st!
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05-24-2011 16:43
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Drunk sex is ok, but drunk hugs are frantastic
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05-24-2011 16:14 by
Doc Noland
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likes calling Ketchup, "meatloaf hot fudge".
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05-24-2011 16:13 by
Doc Noland
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*girl look's at her moms drivers license* Girl: Mom, I know why dad left you! mom: Oh yeah, why? Girl: Because you got an F in sex.
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05-24-2011 16:13 by
Mudda
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could go to prison for the things he has typed into his notes app on his Droid
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05-24-2011 16:11 by
Doc Noland
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Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? - I do, as long as you get me drunk or take me back to my childhood.
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05-24-2011 16:09 by
Marshall the Great
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If a super villain attacks my house whose only weakness is leftover soy sauce packets from the take-out place, he is so f'ked.
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05-24-2011 16:07 by
Marshall the Great
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I wish I had a job where I could frequently say, "If my calculations are correct..."
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05-24-2011 16:06 by
Marshall the Great
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Today I seen a hitchiker giving me a thumbs up.....I guess he like my Facebook status??
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05-24-2011 16:00 by
RUDEDOG
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anyone else noticed that mirrors look really sexy?
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05-24-2011 15:22 by
Teresa
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