Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm convinced some of the news editors are getting a kick out of the weiner headlines: Anthony Weiner to resign: The congressman's rise and fall... (NY Daily News)

   wish Carlin was still here so I could hear his wiener jokes...

   Relationship Status: Committed to remaining single

   I'm praying Weiner gets his blood flowing and comes back bigger and harder than ever after all this.......

   Sometimes I fight with my Bf just for the make up sex..

   I am going to celebrate 2 Pac's Birthday today with a 12 pac.

   BREAKING NEWS: Rep. Weiner pulls out and resigns.

   Fran Drescher recently divorced her husband of 18 years because she found out he was gay..Does this really need a punchline?

   This status is for all those 20 year girls dressed in their underwear with a private contact email address that keeps wanting me to befriend them on facebook. I am 57 years old and the math says 57 goes into 20 a lot less times than 20 into 20. Denied

   I keep the city's best, never said she was the brightest. So if you had her too it don't affect me in the slightest. I never met a bi*ch that didn't need a little guidance so I dismiss her past until she dissappoints your highness.

   the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"

   I wish I was as dedicated to anything as much as I am to using movie lines in everyday conversation

   Not sure what's harder to believe the Canucks losing a game they invented, or that Honda thinks Zombies will help sell cars

   Good lord I'd hate to see what Canadians do if they lose in curling!

   Found out yesterday that apparently saying I have dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 51 in a 15 mph school zone.

   Every night the dis likes multiply by 6.. Wonder what side of the world is making that happen? The unfunny side. (europe)

   Cheese is like a villain from a horror movie: Whatever you do to it only makes it stronger. Shred it? Better. Slice it? Better. Melt it? Perfection.

   Dear children,stop wondering what I am. I'm a star! You just said it like two seconds ago. Sincerely, Twinkle Twinkle

   If you woke up tomorrow and all you had was what you had thanked God for today, what would you have?

   solving all the world's problems--one roll of duct tape at a time...