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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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was completely offended, but then you said "no offense," so now everything's cool.
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05-26-2011 09:13 by
Griff
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My wife: you wanna watch Glee? Me: you know, I'd love to but I was gonna drink battery acid and teabag a poison ivy bush..
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05-26-2011 07:37
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Today I'm going to sleep naked. 14 mosquitos likes this
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05-26-2011 07:07 by
xprivado
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If a girl gets a free drink, it doesn't mean she'll be interested, it'll only mean "YAAY FREE DRINK!!"
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05-26-2011 07:07 by
Surge yarmolyuk
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My name is shower. If you turn me on, i'll make you wet ;)
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05-26-2011 06:18 by
@footballsansar
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Don't shoot the messenger. Unless his message is that he's going to stab you next week.
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05-26-2011 04:24 by
flinnie
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Was anyone else hoping that the final Oprah show would include wearing tracksuits, taking poison and waiting for the mother ship to appear?
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05-26-2011 04:16 by
flinnie
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This world is not going to make any progress until we stop perpetuating the belief that "paper" beats "rock."
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05-26-2011 03:13 by
Weps
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If a b!tch is two faced; Does that mean I have the right to smack the hell outta her twice?!
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05-26-2011 00:33 by
Destiny
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I just finished running 5 miles. Just fu@king with you. I'm eating a bacon and sour cream pizza.
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05-26-2011 00:31 by
Destiny
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Hygiene Tips: 1.Don't 2.Smell 3.Like 4.Sh!t
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05-26-2011 00:30 by
Destiny
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I'd appreciate if you'd stop calling me, but I'll probably respond if you decide to text
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05-26-2011 00:28 by
Destiny
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Eight year old's today have Facebook, Twitter, iPhones, iPods. When I was there age, I had a dad who beat the hell out of me.
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05-26-2011 00:22
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"I'm coming".........The two words, no matter how or when used, women usually lie about.
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05-26-2011 00:22
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If I slept with a prostitute, when we finished I would tell her that I am also a prostitute and we can just call it even.
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05-26-2011 00:21
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Men think about sex every 7 seconds. Which is why I eat hot dogs in 6 seconds, so it doesn't get weird.
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05-26-2011 00:20
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There is absolutely nothing funnier than yelling "HE'S STEALING MY BABY!" at a dad having a hard time with his kid in public.
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05-26-2011 00:20
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Tired of the dying person who keeps emailing with his billion dollars. I hope he dies soon so he would quit sending the emails.
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05-26-2011 00:17
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That ackward moment when a beautiful woman is waving at you with enthusiasm, and, it turns out to someone behind you.
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05-26-2011 00:15
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When a pizza guy comes to my door, I like to answer wearing the same uniform as him and holding a pizza, and then insist that he called me.
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05-26-2011 00:11
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