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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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If you're not supposed to abuse cough syrup then why does it come with a little plastic shot glass?
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05-26-2011 18:15
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I suck at sleep.
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05-26-2011 17:38
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If they EVER put a DUI checkpoint at a Taco Bell drive-thru, it's safe to say we're all screwed.
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05-26-2011 17:34 by
L.T.
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"Why did you just take my Napkin? I wasn't done with MY napkin..I had a special bond with that napkin... Don't give me a new napkin!..I don't know this NAPKIN! This Napkins a damn stranger!
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05-26-2011 17:29
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Would buy a big dog and pay a midget to ride it
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05-26-2011 16:21
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What gets longer when pulled, fits between a women's boobs, inserts neatly in a hole and works best when jerked hard?...A SEAT BELT
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05-26-2011 16:16 by
Steven
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All them damn rich people carry around small dogs... When I am rich I'm gonna carry a midget!!!
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05-26-2011 15:41
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Today, I saw that my ironing board cover was wrinkled. I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because irony has the word iron in it.
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05-26-2011 15:22
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that awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
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05-26-2011 15:09
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I'd keep playing. I don't think the heavy stuff will come down for a while.
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05-26-2011 14:23
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That awkward moment when a sentence doesn't end the way you think it octopus.
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05-26-2011 14:20
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My super power is to slap people upside the head when they need it most. No need to thank me. Just doing my job.
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05-26-2011 14:13 by
Surge Yarmolyuk
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Today... I'm opening up a Battered Shrimp Shelter... in my stomach.
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05-26-2011 13:57 by
@The69Sheriff
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When I push the soap dispenser and it's empty I usually pretend it wasn't and wash my hands with the ghost soap that came out.
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05-26-2011 13:47 by
@The69Sheriff
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Its gotta suck to be a band like Heart and have your hit songs be on commercials like Swiffer dust and mop
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05-26-2011 13:42
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I find it hard to sing the Beach Boys without using my "girl" voice.
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05-26-2011 13:36 by
Goodeolboy
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Promises are like babies: fun to make, but hell to deliver.
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05-26-2011 13:36 by
sol
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Dear Dominos Pizza, gotta question. After I rate your food directly on the box do you review the results from my garbage can?
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05-26-2011 11:07 by
J. BIAZA
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If I bet a hooker $100 that she can't make me cum...is that gambling or prostitution?
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05-26-2011 10:59
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The following sentence is true: The previous sentence is false. (
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05-26-2011 09:27 by
Griff
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