Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   This woman at Target does not seem at all appreciative that I just found a lump on her breast.

   just opened a fortune cookie that read: "That wasn't chicken . . ."

   moving to the USA as their gas prices are over $5 per gallon cheaper than anywhere else in the world!

   I watch truTV and CSI so much that I even wipe my fingerprints off the remote after I turn off the TV.

   trust and friendship can be tested by how long a person borrows an item of yours for so long and return it back in the same condition.

   I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "just kidding."

   If Tiger Woods and Jesse James are back to dating already, then I don't see any reason why Michael Vick can't get another puppy.

   When your ex asks if you can still be friends right after a break up it's the same thing as having a kidnapper tell you to keep in touch.

   There should be an eject button in cars for people who touch your perfectly-positioned vents.

   You ever hear or see a friend do something and think "Oh yeah, that's a Facebook status." Yeah, me too.

   Have you ever noticed that the only people who wear jogging suits are well over 200 pounds and obviously never jog — unless a buffet is in sight?

   I don't confront people. I was raised right. I talk stuff behind their backs. It's called manners.

   I say "DUDE" right before I say something moderately important.

   i think I need glasses....everywhere I look people have two faces

   I wish they made Off Clip On Repellent for creepy people at WalMart

   Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

   November 8th 2011: Call of Duty: MW3 + Alcohol + Women = A Night to Remember

   Ignorance is bliss, would explain why I'm so miserable.

   I like that you like my status. Facebook needs a button for that.

   next time I see a place that says no shirt no shoes no service I'm gunna walk in without pants