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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
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06-22-2011 21:19 by
TZ
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The fact is, whatever you do, good or bad, people will always have something negative to say...
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06-22-2011 20:26 by
JuSTiNuRFaCe723
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Just clicked a link that promised to show, "the world's largest breasts."... It was just a picture of Michael Moore taking his shirt off.
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06-22-2011 20:21 by
Billy
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Never realized how annoying some people can be. Then you opened my eyes.
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06-22-2011 20:00
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Whats the point of making cars really really fast if there is a speed limit? like, REALLY, WHATS THE POINT?!?!?!
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06-22-2011 19:39 by
NYCBOII123
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I hate going to a restaurant and my girlfriend orders food and ends up picking out of my plate.
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06-22-2011 19:22 by
BRian
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Does homeowner's insurance cover Kool-Aid Man damage?
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06-22-2011 19:10 by
Bobo the Chimp
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Obama's speech tonight: Me me me me I I I I me I me I me me me I my my me me I I my me. Oh, and I........
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06-22-2011 19:09 by
sully
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My car goes from 0 to 60 in five minutes.
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06-22-2011 18:21 by
Aaron
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A lady said her water broke. I offered her my unopened bottle of Aquafina but she kept shouting. She shouted so much an ambulance came.
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06-22-2011 18:19 by
Ryan Dumm
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So what you're saying is "sexist" isn't like "perfectionist" or "saxophonist" and I should take it off the resume.
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06-22-2011 18:17 by
Ryan Dumm
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Swearing: because sometimes "golly gee" and "meany" just don't cut it.
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06-22-2011 17:46
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When I'm on my death bed, I want my last words to be "Left rS. 10million in the..."
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06-22-2011 15:50 by
@anikethmendonca
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If strippers are now called exotic dancers... Then all drug dealers should be referred to as exotic pharmacists
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06-22-2011 15:42 by
@anikethmendonca
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If you show up at my house without calling first, you'd better be wearing a uniform and delivering the mail.
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06-22-2011 15:36 by
KISSTOPHER
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Contrary to popular belief, women really dress to impress other women.
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06-22-2011 15:28
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Dance like the photo isn't being tagged, love like you've never been unfriended, and tweet like nobody is following....
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06-22-2011 15:22 by
Bill
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Fellas, There is a direct correlation between the size of the mega-spoiler on your car and the unlikelihood of your getting laid.
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06-22-2011 15:18
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I bought a latte yet me pushing 5 of these little round tables together to make a daybed seems to be a big fugging problem at this Starbucks.
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06-22-2011 15:02 by
JC the Brainless Wonder
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No man ever talked a woman into sex. 99% of the time, a woman knows she is going to have sex when she walks out the door. Men can only talk themselves out of it.
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06-22-2011 15:02
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