Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I just don't know if women like me. I know when they don't like me 'cause they'll say things like, 'Yeah, that's him, officer.'

   Here is something that nobody ever mentions about Obama, he is also half-white. If you don't believe that Barack Obama is half-white, YouTube him dancing on 'Ellen.'

   "I have PMS with GPS, which means I am a b!tch and I will find you!"

   Big sunglasses are an ugly girl's best friend

   Went into the Opticians and told him that I could see 9 years into the future. He examined my eyes and nodded in agreement. "You've got 2020 vision"

   The top 5 footballers from the 2010-11 season have been announced: Giggs Cort Given Thomas De Koch.

   Somewhere right now in the hood, someone is yelling "Domino Mother F**ker!"

   An Amber Alert has been issued for a tall, African American 26 yr. old who goes by the name of LeBron James. He keeps disappearing for the 4th quarter of the NBA Final games. If seen, please call his mother, Gloria, or her boyfriend, Delonte.

   In 50 years, a bunch of 80 year-olds will know all the words to Ice Ice Baby.

   perhaps he should stop singing the teenage mutant hero turtles theme song its really freaking everyone out here at the aquarium

   Some status p0sts are not meant to be liked or disliked, they are just meant to be digested/pondered.

   What's the difference between a liar and a cheater? Nothing, they're practically brothers!

   i know you have an open mind..... I can see what's in ur head...nothing

   Dear Mother in Law , pls don't teach me how to handle my children. I'm living with one of yours and he sure needs a lot of improvement ;)

   Problem is people confuse LOVE with BUSINESS. If you are with her because she gives the best BJs and she is with you because you pay all her bills then thats not a LOVE affair, that's just a BUSINESS arrangement.

   Ground is soft this time of year. But burying a body is hot, sweaty work. And that's how the lemonade industry gets you.

   I look at cold sores as a reflection of too much trust 

   Watching "The Voice" and can't help but think that Cee Lo looks like Carl Winslow.

   Dominos use to be made with saddness and disappointment with just a sprinkle of fry grease and hooker spit once, but now it's made with "real cheese" and failure.

   Domino's pizza is now made with real cheese." Well, WTF where you using before?