Funny Status Messages

   Looks like Casey Anthony will be available to baby sit my children tonight afterwards!!

   Casey might not be guilty right now, but just wait till she meets God

   Casey Anthony just landed a new job as Obama's new abortion czar.

   Yesterday: Blew up some stuff by using illegal fireworks, drank too much beer, drove too fast., fired a gun. Ahhhh, Freedom America style!

   I sincerely hope you get stung by a jelly fish so I can finally pee on you without having to explain myself to the authorities.

   Things I'm angry about in 2011: 1) No hoverboards.

   The difference between "INVOLVED" & "COMMITTED" is like an Egg & Bacon Breakfast, the chicken was INVOLVED and the pig was COMMITTED.

   I delete enough status updates to know that I should never get a tattoo...

   Whenever my girlfriend is mad at one of our friends, she deletes them from FB but makes sure I stay friends so she can see what they're saying.

   Life is hell when you're sober.

   When men lie, it's to avoid an argument. When women lie, it's to ruin lives.

   Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, and the middle ones for you.

   Psychology experiment: Pull you head back, now pretend to shake salt from an imaginary salt shaker in your mouth, you'll taste salt!

   I hate running out of deodorant......with 1 armpit left to go.. Now I have Sure on the left and Not so Sure on the right.

   Random thought: I wonder if couches at nudist colonies smell like ass?

   Now thinking that I had the 455.00 back that I spent on fireworks....

   Going to: ❒ Paris ❒ New York ❒ London ✔ KITCHEN, I'm hungry

   There should be realtionship status that says,"I don`t even know what`s going on"

   I hate running out of deodorant......with 1 armpit left to go

   You wanna know the definition of deductive reasoning? I've deduced that the fatter the chick, the more boring the facebook page.