Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The only thing left for me to do is to walk on water, and even at that some people would snicker and say, 'What, you can't swim?"

   suffers occasional delusions of adequacy.

   Girls its the summer time please dont walk around here in sandals with hideous feet...thats what you get for wearing Ugly aka UGG Boots lmao

   I love you yet I hate you,its like I want to throw you off a cliff then run really fast to the bottom to catch you ..

   That spicy tuna roll I ate last night gave me HOTHOLE

   I'm unavailable to answer my phone at the moment, so please leave a message and the News of the World will get back to you.

   here's to you nipples, without you boobies would be pointless

   A good rule for facebook: Friends don't let friends friend non friends.

   Tattoos: Nothing like a permanent disfigurement to satisfy the whims of fashion.

   Yesterday I had a religious experience: I was repressed and beaten by a man in a black robe.

   Facts are busily being ground into meat.

   Chess Master Plots Brilliant Attack On Wife!

   You guys mind if I get this out of the way a little early? Thanks. Dear Monday, I hate you.

   When are they going to do a myth busters episode on God?

   I see they now have wedding dresses made completely out of toilet paper. Well, at least you'll be prepared when your marriage turns to $**t.

   Congratulations!! You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.

   dont be mean to haters. their just doing there job..

   WARNING:I can change from sweet and innocent to B***H in 3,2 seconds...

   A French kiss should not last long,Remember even the French Surrendered.

   I'm fed up with politics. I'm gonna start the Long Island Iced Tea Party movement for those of us who know that both sides sell us the same s**t in a different package.