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I have an irrational fear of parking by a dumpster at night because I think a gorilla will jump out of it.
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06-21-2011 05:53 by
flinnie
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If I were a Miss USA contestant, my go-to answer in the Q&A segment would be "Who cares? Did you see my rack and smile combo?"
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06-21-2011 05:53 by
flinnie
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When I was little, I used to sing in the shower. Now, I make life decisions in there
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06-21-2011 05:51 by
flinnie
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a smile is a sign of joy, a hug is a sign of love, a laugh is a sign of happiness and a friend like me...well...that's a sign of good taste.
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06-21-2011 05:04
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The three KINGS that bring joy and hapiness to my life: Smo-King, Drin-King & Fuc-King
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06-21-2011 03:10
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Saw the Goodyear blimp today. It read "ICE CUBE NO LONGER EVEN REMOTELY A PIMP".
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06-21-2011 01:44 by
jdpower
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this update is brought to you by, The Retirement Planning & Consultants of Fishmore & Dolittle.
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06-21-2011 00:39
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you know the recession is bad when wives are having sex with their husbands cause they can't afford batteries.
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06-21-2011 00:27 by
TaylorMade
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Thanks to Bo-flex, I've gone from 'obese' to 'prefer not to say' on my plenty of fish account!
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06-21-2011 00:06 by
Michek
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Proof of insurance Officer? Of course didn't you see my two State Farm stickers on my bumper?
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06-21-2011 00:02 by
Goodeolboy
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My next house will have no kitchen—just vending machines and a large trash can.
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06-20-2011 22:25 by
BEGO
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I wish I had a fly swatter with me, when I sit next to people who dont cover their mouth when they yawn or cough.
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06-20-2011 22:20
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When I was little, I used to watch the raindrops roll down the window and see which one "won"
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06-20-2011 22:04 by
BEGO
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It's not officially summer until you start forgetting what day of the week it is.
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06-20-2011 22:02 by
BEGO
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Closing all the internet windows by the time your boss gets to your desk is like getting the keys into the door before the killer gets you.
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06-20-2011 21:53 by
Danny
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I met a woman who told me she wanted to walk a mile in my shoes. I guess she liked them because that was three weeks ago and I haven't seen her since.
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06-20-2011 21:53 by
BEGO
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I went to the store and got me some Oreo's. As I was walking back to my car I saw a friend who told me that it was his birthday today...so for the 1st time ever, without being sarcastic, I was able to say "What...Do you want a cookie or something?"
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06-20-2011 21:19 by
Downey
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“The only trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance...
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06-20-2011 20:38 by
CJ in CALI
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Dear God, Lets make a trade. Ryan Dunn for Justin Bieber? Love, Everyone.
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06-20-2011 19:39 by
@iTechnoBoy
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I'm starting to think the word Gourmet means "Put something wierd on it, and triple the price"
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06-20-2011 19:39
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