Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I wish they made a “no soliciting” sign for the phone!

   Whenever I delete an app on my iPhone, thew shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed

   I don't have pet peeves-I have major psychotic f##cking hatreds!!!

   I have washboard abs. They just happen to have a little laundry on them...

   OK-all those that believe in psyco kinesis raise my hand

   saw Harry Potter at midnight last night. LOL JK, I have a life.

   to everyone who sends me request in Farmvillie I'm gonna send you a tree for ur farm so you can hang yourself!!

   It has been revealed that Ryan Giggs of Manchester United has been slammin' his brothers wife for 8 years! damn! Talk about brotherly love.

   ORGANISM.. you read that wrong the first time didn't you...

   going to Biker Night at The Blue Oyster Bar.

   You can PUT YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES ON AND DEAL WITH IT only so many times. Then the elastic breaks... and you really show your butt.

   actively hunting down the Killer of his Ex-Girlfriend for the last Few Years, and it's harder than Initially Thought: Nobody Wants to Do It!! :-/

   If you didn't have all this money, I'd still love you..and miss you very much.

   I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys.

   Tell your girlfriend to stop wearing different colored lipstick, I am getting a damn rainbow around my d*ck.

   Wedding Rings - the world's smallest handcuffs.

   To everyone on Facebook that plays Farmville or Cityville and sends me requests every hour of the day: Go hang yourselves.

   I never really understood why people drive around the parking lot looking for a spot right near the door, only to get out and walk around the mall for 5 hours...

   I just made instant coffee in the microwave. I went back in time.

   My girl and I are like oil and vinegar. We have to shake things up to make it work.