Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Theirs a reason the rear-view mirror is small & the windshield is big, where you are heading is much more important than what you left behind.

   Usually, the person who tries to make everyone happy is the loneliest and saddest person.

   I ate so many Popsicles yesterday that I just farted a rainbow ..

   An old couple is sitting in church one morning, listening to a sermon, when the wife whispers, "I just let out a silent fart. What should I do?" Her husband whispers back, "Well, for starters, you can put a new battery in your hearing aid."

   Hey Harry Potter fans: If you stay to the end of the credits, there is a footage of J.K.Rowling swimming in her money bin like Scrooge McDuck.

   What a lovely shade of slut you are wearing today.

   That rather uncomfortable moment when you see a really really really ugly person and you thank god that the person can't read minds.

   (Login to Facebook)...(No NEW notifications/messages/requests)....(Checks News Feed,..Nothing interesting)....(LOG OFF).......(Repeats in the next 7 minutes)

   When humans mutilate and dismember each other in movies it's Rated R, but apparently when Autobots and Decepticons do it it's PG-13.

   Hey Harry Potter fans: If you stay to the end of the credits, there is a footage of J.K.Rowling rolling around in a pile of money, then snorting it.

   No one ever is as good looking as his/her profile pic, and as ugly as his/her driving license.

   This really ugly girl asked me earlier... if I thought she was attractive. I didnt want to be mean and I also didnt want to lie. So I thought for a second and told her I thought she was "Wal-Mart Sexy".

   ‎Some girls are angels and some are devils smart enough to look like one

   Batman. Not because I have to be. Now because I choose to be.

   In my next life, I pray Zinggers don't taste so good.

   If I have to explain one more time why I'm wearing a cast, I'm writing "Attacked by Ninjas" on it!

   Please don't throw your cigarette butts in the urinal... It makes them soggy and hard to light.

   Who ever decided that a 1" mars bar should be called fun size must be stupid .. seriously .. when is anything that is only 1" long fun. I mean come on, you need at least half a dozen to fulfil your needs

   (Insert depressing and melancholy observations, complaints and status updates in this box.)

   J-Lo's Checklist: ✓Sean Combs ✓Cris Judd ✓Ben Affleck ✓Marc Anthony __Simon Fuller __Randy Jackson __Steven Tyler __Flavor Flav