Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon I am all for small talk but that does not mean you can initiate a chat with me and bore me to death.
←Rate | 07-19-2011 15:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever someone posts something like, “Just went on a massive friend-deleting spree!,” I'm never quite sure whether to feel like a winner for making the cut or a loser for having friends lame e
←Rate | 07-19-2011 15:56 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well…my phone number for a start.
←Rate | 07-19-2011 15:55 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon The phrase “I need to talk to you” has the ability to strike fear into the heart of anyone
←Rate | 07-19-2011 15:53 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison
←Rate | 07-19-2011 15:51 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget.
←Rate | 07-19-2011 15:43 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon GRAPEVINE??? lol Noooope I heard it through FACEBOOK lololol
←Rate | 07-19-2011 15:38 by JDK Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think we can all learn a valuable lesson from Harry Potter. When your best friend gets the girl, bang his sister instead!
←Rate | 07-19-2011 15:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon OCCUPATION: Bullsh*t Recognition Specialist.
←Rate | 07-19-2011 14:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Neighbor asked if I knew anything about the clothes that were missing from his clothesline. I was so nervous I almost crapped his pants.
←Rate | 07-19-2011 14:22 by Aaron | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am not a mirror: I see you completely differently from the way you see yourself. Bear that in mind next time you want to ask me how you look.
←Rate | 07-19-2011 14:18 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like the fact that a pie in the face only gets a ten minute meeting suspension. England runs a tight ship. Let's clean him up and resume.
←Rate | 07-19-2011 14:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I downloaded the sound of a toilet flushing and made it my ex's ringtone to remind me what a piece of s@#T he is.
←Rate | 07-19-2011 14:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Staring at a text for 5 minutes trying to figure out how to reply while secretly thinking, damn it's a good thing we aren't talking face to face, I'd be screwed!
←Rate | 07-19-2011 14:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My phone automatically wants to check me into every bar we pass! I guess this thing really is a smartphone.
←Rate | 07-19-2011 14:05 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon They are not my haters, they are my fans! They just don't know it yet.
←Rate | 07-19-2011 14:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I need a quiet night at my house I just tell all my friends that I'm moving and need them to come over and help.
←Rate | 07-19-2011 13:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Keep your guests on their toes by disabling the flush mechanism on all the toilets in your house and filling the medicine cabinets with marbles.
←Rate | 07-19-2011 13:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just when I start to think mankind will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 15 minutes.
←Rate | 07-19-2011 13:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when I have trouble opening a jar or bottle I closed myself earlier -- a time when, obviously, I possessed superhuman strength and no regard for the weaker me I would eventually become.
←Rate | 07-19-2011 13:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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