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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Morning Glory Evening Grace
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06-29-2011 11:35
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Who stopped payment on my reality check?
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06-29-2011 11:34 by
J. BIAZA
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And the person you'd take a bullet for is the one pulling the trigger.
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06-29-2011 11:24 by
@viektorious
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Sometimes its funny how the person you wana catch the grenade for is the one throwing it at you.
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06-29-2011 11:23 by
@viektorious
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I hate YHGTBFKM mornings. That's when you wake up, look at your alarm clock, and say "You have got to be f&$king kidding me".
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06-29-2011 11:15
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disappointed to hear that farts do not have lumps as it means I've dirtied my pants
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06-29-2011 11:15
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things you would say to your computer but not to your girlfriend ? - next year I'm getting a new model ..
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06-29-2011 11:04
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I have 100 tabs open on my internet browser and I can't figure out which one the sound is coming from.
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06-29-2011 10:12 by
@spunky_design
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only eats chocolate covered caramel because that's how I Rolo™
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06-29-2011 09:37 by
Griff
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not a Proctologist, but seems to be surrounded by a$$holes today...
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06-29-2011 09:28
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Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
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06-29-2011 09:25 by
Griff
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My girlfriend says she 'feels pregnant' and I am now feeling sick.
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06-29-2011 09:20
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Let's see how long I can hold your breath under water.
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06-29-2011 09:03 by
Brafty Crastard
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I turned my phone onto "Airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst. Transformer. Ever.
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06-29-2011 09:01 by
Griff
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I will be honest with you, when it comes to women, you are part of my "Quantity Over Quality" phase.
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06-29-2011 07:49 by
KISSTOPHER
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"getlost@youLoser.com" seems like a strange email address, are you sure you wrote it down correctly??
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06-29-2011 07:21
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When a man talks dirty to a woman it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man it's $3.95 a minute!!
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06-29-2011 07:09 by
CB
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Kegel exercises ladies...Lets begin! and I and a 2 and a 3. :)
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06-29-2011 07:04
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Kanye West leaned back in his chair, stroking his Persian cat. His scheme to become the biggest douche in the world was coming to fruition.
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06-29-2011 06:27 by
flinnie
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Your life would be sweeter if you spent more time around those impressed by you, not those you have to impress.
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06-29-2011 03:51
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