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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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If only I could figure out a way to fall asleep at work without anybody noticing. That would definitely be one of my top achievements in life!
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07-18-2011 19:14
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Wal Mart is a scary place after dark
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07-18-2011 19:12
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How many 5 Hour Energy drinks do I need to take to live forever?
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07-18-2011 18:51 by
Aaron
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Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade's gonna suck!
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07-18-2011 18:36 by
SuthernFukr
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Message to Scotland Yard Canteen Manager: Please wear a suit to work tomorrow, as you are now their highest ranking employee.
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07-18-2011 18:23 by
Docles
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I married my wife for her looks, just not the ones she has been giving me lately
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07-18-2011 18:15 by
migasjoe
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if poop were people.... then I just sh#t Lou Farrigno
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07-18-2011 18:08
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You think a day care has a lot of crying babies and screaming kids? Try playing one online match in Call of Duty v_v
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07-18-2011 17:49
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Facebook was the most searched term on Google last month. If you need Google to find Facebook, you shouldn't be using the internet.
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07-18-2011 17:24 by
flinnie
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Remember, they're laughing with you, not at you. They're only pointing at you so you know who they're laughing with.
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07-18-2011 17:24 by
SuthernFukr
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Don't tell me anything about the new Harry Potter film! I still haven't seen the first 6 films.
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07-18-2011 16:31 by
tmdavies31
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I'm convinced that you could start a fire with the insides of a just nuked Hot Pocket.
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07-18-2011 16:02 by
SuthernFukr
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I still say they would sell way more PT Cruisers if they would just put a ZZ Top logo on the side.
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07-18-2011 14:44 by
SuthernFukr
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That'll do, Jamie Lee Curtis. I think we are all now sufficiently aware of how well and often you poop. Enough.
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07-18-2011 14:42 by
SuthernFukr
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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
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07-18-2011 14:20
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If it aint broken dont fix it. Now why did Facebook people have to mess with the CHAT?
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07-18-2011 14:17
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I would like to congratulate Charlie Sheen on his demotion from CBS to TBS...If he keeps progrssing at this pace, his next stop should be "dinner theater" at an L.A. soup kitchen.
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07-18-2011 14:11 by
totalpackage
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Don't have sex man, it leads to kissing and pretty soon you will have to start talking to her..
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07-18-2011 14:05 by
Wolf
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Relationships are like jobs, they require full time, overtime, no paid time off, and the benefits are based on performance.
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07-18-2011 14:02 by
Marshall the Great
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If I could do it all over again... I probably wouldn't be pu$$y and make the remark "If I could do it all over again."
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07-18-2011 13:57 by
Marshall the Great
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