trying to get in touch with his feminine side, a friend of mine bought a book called "How to Hug". Little did he know that it was actually the 9th volume of the encyclopedia!
There was a therapist on TV talking about the importance of having a reward system in place for when your child behaves. I remember having that with my parents, it was called "not getting your ass beat."
Being a successful Hollywood movie star who is overweight and unattractive is a double-edged sword. Your agent must feel pretty awkward telling you about new parts. They need a guy who is fat ugly and no one wants to date. I said you'd be perfect!
I was in a restaurant yesterday when I suddenly needed to pass gas bad. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat. After the first verse everyone was staring right at me. Then I realized I was listening to my iPod.