Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Shutting down the computer and realizing you need it again -_-

   got gas earlier for $1.39!!! Too bad it was from Taco Bell...

   If your back boobs are bigger than your front boobs, a strapless sundress may not be the best look for you

   Dear god I love you and always will..but can you explain one thing to me :::: Mosquitos ...WHY..???

   getting d̶r̶u̶n̶k̶ deliciously enlightened

   just finished a trip down memory lane.. amnesia never sounded so good

   HAPPY CANADA DAY! It's like the 4th of July but with real beer!

   Google+ is going to Myspace facebook... Yes, I used Myspace as a verb.

   remembering when it was cool to date a cheerleader.. now i`m 30 and it`s creepy?

   will you please tell your kid to stop looking under my car for the head.. for the last time its not a Transformer

   checked in at The F-in Catalina Wine Mixer.

   While reading graffiti on a bathroom stall, at a truck stop... It dawned on me, rednecks created Twitter years ago!

   I know your in a relationship and I know your with them 24/7, I don't need updates on it reminding me you have a partner and where your at!

   Keep your head up high & your middle finger higher!

   I hate when I don't think of the good stuff to say till after the argument is over

   How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

   Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor's WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I'm the victim here!

   miss being a kid. No one cared how you dressed, we were all friends, and you could be yourself. When did we turn so judgmental?

   Other than changing your email to something other than jizzbucket4u@gmail.com, I'd say your resume looks pretty good.

   Having great sex after a long dry-spell is like a car accident. The next day you're sore in places you wouldn't think possible.