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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Lazy Rule #14: If you drop the ice cube, just kick it under the fridge or the stove...
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07-22-2011 22:29
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People who say "I'm beside myself" are often mistaken.... with the notable exception of time travellers and Siamese twins.
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07-22-2011 22:26
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The word is RUMORS dumbass, kinda like the ones we heard about you not being funny. Except that one turned out to be true.
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07-22-2011 21:34
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Dont Drink and Drive....Drink and call AAA and say "my car is Fooked up just tow it to my house"
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07-22-2011 20:54
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The News said its going to be 99 Degrees today but its going to feel like 110.... B!c$h, say its gone be 110 Degrees then!
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07-22-2011 20:47 by
ed status
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wondering if a bra is called an over the sholder bolder holder then what is mens underwear under the but nut hut?
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07-22-2011 20:39 by
:)
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The best things in life are free until the government finds out and taxes it.
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07-22-2011 19:31
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If you think you're alone and nobody notices you, try not paying your bills.
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07-22-2011 19:31
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If I don't have time to make coffee, I pull out a nose hair instead.
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07-22-2011 19:22 by
Mike M
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can fat people go skinny dipping?
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07-22-2011 19:14 | Tags: Filtered
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This is how my relationship goes.....I turn her on the moment I get home from work and she satisfies my needs. I love my air conditioner!
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07-22-2011 18:39
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old enough to remember when MTV wasn't just a camera someone left on in a trailer home.
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07-22-2011 18:30
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Its 103 outside an I'm inside watchin tv under my snuggie.. Thanx A/C!
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07-22-2011 17:37
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Im tryin to beat The Heat like Dirk Nowitzki.
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07-22-2011 17:33 by
L
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The amount of times I've "apparently" won an ipod an ipad or an iphone while I'm on the internet would put apple out of business!
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07-22-2011 17:32
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So me && grandma go for a joy ride and I turn on the radio, she says" who in the devil is this?" I replyed Grandma, his name is 50 cent, she then said " well I'll give him a dollar to shut up!"
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07-22-2011 17:30 by
Sky
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Who the hell put the sun on HIGH?????
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07-22-2011 17:17
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Wow it's hot!.....I'm sweating like a Priest at a Cub Scout picnic! ツ
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07-22-2011 16:49 by
totalpackage
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Every flaw in my character is quietly salvaged as evidence of my genius.
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07-22-2011 16:02 by
Bridget
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A necktie functions like a tourniquet, preventing excess blood from entering the head.
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07-22-2011 16:01 by
Bridget
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