Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   So me && grandma go for a joy ride and I turn on the radio, she says" who in the devil is this?" I replyed Grandma, his name is 50 cent, she then said " well I'll give him a dollar to shut up!"

   Who the hell put the sun on HIGH?????

   Wow it's hot!.....I'm sweating like a Priest at a Cub Scout picnic! ツ

   Every flaw in my character is quietly salvaged as evidence of my genius.

   A necktie functions like a tourniquet, preventing excess blood from entering the head.

   “Tired of online dating? You're not alone.” Yes you are. That's why you're dating online.

   I wrote a joke about the short duration of cocaine, in fact the joke itself is a one-liner.

   If I could find a deaf, mute hot blonde....I would give her the world!!

   My chat box is now open for flirting.

   has been on so many blind dates I should get a free guide dog!

   American presidents: ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☻

   If you get drunk, don't worry. I'll let my sex drive.

   I don't mean to sound sleezy but tease me I don't want it if it's that easy.

   All I heard was, "I swear it'll be funny"... Then we were in jail.

   In today's economy, a picture is only worth about 250 words.

   The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.

   Most cocaine addicts don't even like cocaine, they just use it as an excuse to put dollar bills up their nose.

   I just had a SPIDER try webbing down on me this morning in the shower. Let me tell you, that'll kill a morning wood REAL quick!

   there is always that one pair of socks you can never get off, by just using your big toe!

   Its not the heat, its your FACE!!!