Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Pouring petrol in a diesel car is like pouring vodka into a woman, it seems alright at first but you just know later on it's gonna break down!
←Rate | 07-26-2011 16:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I park 20 spots from the store, in an empty parking lot and you park right next to me, I'm slamming my door into your car 34 times.
←Rate | 07-26-2011 16:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to show extra confidence at a job interview by giving a firm handshake before and after every question.
←Rate | 07-26-2011 16:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you get a tattoo on your face you can pretty much guarantee you are no longer anyone's emergency contact.
←Rate | 07-26-2011 16:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have this recurring dream where I'm locked up in a room with all the people I've ever offended in my entire life and they are all glaring at me and I think, Great! I get to make fun of all you losers at once.
←Rate | 07-26-2011 16:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I test my jokes on my dog, if he wags his tail - they make the cut.
←Rate | 07-26-2011 16:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon August 2: the date when the federal government is forecast to hit the debt limit and see all new loans cut off. Falls during "Simplify Your Life Week." Really?
←Rate | 07-26-2011 16:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wishes all the mourners outside Amy Winehouse's home would please form a line? After all it's what she would've wanted.
←Rate | 07-26-2011 15:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Be careful about the type of relationship you get yourself into. Don't be what they need, be what they want. There is a huge difference.
←Rate | 07-26-2011 15:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear girl at the bar with the smokin body, long tan legs and amazing knockers, your face looks like a man so I bet you get it from behind a lot. #KeepinItReal
←Rate | 07-26-2011 14:31 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people run marathons, I watch them on my couch. Indiana Jones on Syfy!!!
←Rate | 07-26-2011 14:30 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon If days of the week were people, Mondays would be gingers
←Rate | 07-26-2011 14:28 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon Coming home from work today, I just saw a guy sitting in a rowbaot in his front yard in the rain with a case of budligtht. Even though I've never met him, I'm convinced that he's good people
←Rate | 07-26-2011 14:27 by Joseph Robert Comments (1)  


   messageicon Way to sully the Forever 27 club Amy Winehouse. I hope Kurt, Jimmy, and Jim Morrison run train on your skanky ass
←Rate | 07-26-2011 14:25 by Joseph Robert Comments (1)  


   messageicon #AmyWinehouse Cremated...emergency response team called during cremation the crowd outside heard a huge explosion and started to smell Crack
←Rate | 07-26-2011 13:39 by Doc Noland Comments (1)  


   messageicon A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
←Rate | 07-26-2011 13:07 by KG Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tapping melons with your knuckles is a good way of making your selection in the store, but apparently it's frowned upon at the strip club.
←Rate | 07-26-2011 11:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I read a story Thursday about things you shouldn't buy used, such as child car seats, plasma TVs and vacuum cleaners. Good advice, but condoms and toilet paper would have been at the top of my list.
←Rate | 07-26-2011 11:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The latest breakthrough in single-ply toilet paper ? My index finger.
←Rate | 07-26-2011 11:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
←Rate | 07-26-2011 11:49 Comments (0)  



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