Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon They sent my Census form back-AGAIN!!! In response to the question: "Do you have any dependents?" I replied - "12 million illegal immigrants; 3 million crack heads; 8.5 million unemployed people, 7 million in prisons; millions in every state collecting.
←Rate | 07-27-2011 10:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon We used a blow up doll for a raft one time. You should have seen the looks on the parents faces. It was awesome. Giddyup!
←Rate | 07-27-2011 10:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon What are the three fastest forms of communication? Television, telephone, tellawoman.
←Rate | 07-27-2011 10:07 by Brafty Crastard Comments (0)  


   messageicon How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with " a man once told me"
←Rate | 07-27-2011 10:03 by Jurk Comments (0)  


   messageicon All the memories of my ex fall under the "What was I thinking!!" catagory... just like the night I chased tequilla with vodka!
←Rate | 07-27-2011 09:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're going to do something stupid and you know it's stupid, make sure you say "fu*k it" beforehand. It's like the thumbs up.
←Rate | 07-27-2011 09:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
←Rate | 07-27-2011 09:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The heat hasn't been this bad since the NBA Finals...
←Rate | 07-27-2011 09:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Of all the lies I tell, "I was just kidding!" is my favorite.
←Rate | 07-27-2011 09:42 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Beautiful people and ugly people basically look the same by 80. So hang in there ugly people!
←Rate | 07-27-2011 09:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Words. They can arouse. They can make you laugh, and make you cry. But if you find the one who can heal you with words, never let them go.
←Rate | 07-27-2011 09:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Heard Rupert Murdoch was deeply touched by all the messages left on Amy Winehouse's voicemail.
←Rate | 07-27-2011 09:31 by Kitrinaty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone want to lend me $500.00 until Thursday June 20th, 2047 ?
←Rate | 07-27-2011 09:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon BlackBerry laid off 11% of its workers. You can tell its bad cuz the CEO's announcement ended w/ the line "Sent from my iPhone."
←Rate | 07-27-2011 09:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I find humor in everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at
←Rate | 07-27-2011 08:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your phone has more computing power now then all of NASA had in 1969. They launched a man into space, we launched angry birds into pigs.
←Rate | 07-27-2011 07:43 by Brafty Crastard Comments (0)  


   messageicon no need to google, my wife know everything :P
←Rate | 07-27-2011 07:37 by charbel Comments (0)  


   messageicon Say "eye" then spell "map" and then say "ness". :P
←Rate | 07-27-2011 07:35 by Brafty Crastard Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever you see a woman and an opportunity, don't screw the opportunity.
←Rate | 07-27-2011 06:08 by DangerDave Comments (0)  


   messageicon In life, never look down on anybody, unless you are getting a lovely view of the cleavage!!!
←Rate | 07-27-2011 06:07 Comments (0)  



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