Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

   Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she will take it anyway.

   Don't feel bad, alot of people don't have talent either

   Does Cheese say 'People!' when taking a picture?

   Dinosaurs aren't extinct, they're just hiding.

   It's a shame the guy who invented the wheel didn't make a fortune from his invention, but the guy who invented Wheel of Fortune did.

   Mosquito is the Spanish word for "little Islamic house of worship."

   If you trip in public, just strtch out your arms and legs, move them back and forth across the ground, and claim you are making dirt angels.

   since it's the thought that counts.. I'll keep thinking about exercising.

   Hey, did you have a good time last night? It was Smurf-tacular! Yeah, I saw you leave with Smurfette. As we got out of the bar, she started smurfing me. Shut the Smurf up! Yeah! Right in the Smurfing parking lot? Smurf-Yeah! Oh! That is freaking Smurf

   what did the egg say to the boiling water? "it might take me a while to get hard, I just got laid by a chick!"

   Biggest slut alive? Ms pacman. For a quarter she will swallow balls until she dies.

   I had my DNA analyzed. It came back with four main components. Bacon, Chocolate, Coffee & Crazy

   In my opinion, nothing says "mentally I'll and proud of it" like stuffed animals in your car window.

   doesn't think a remake of the Wizard of Oz would be good. If Dorothy were to encounter men with no brain, heart, or courage today she would be in congress.

   People who use the phrase, "I won't mention any names, but they know who they are," probably don't get punched often enough.

   don't attempt to speak a language you can't speak. Going to a market in my 1st night in Spain saying "Quiero polla" instead of "Quiero pollo" was one great lesson! Just 1 letter made the difference-I wanted to say "I want chicken" but said "I want d*ck"!

   "I can feel it coming in the heir tonight" - Phil Collins having sex with Paris Hilton

   I'm not sure I want Friends with Benefits. Can I just have the Benefits? We'll figure out the Friend thing later.

   I'm opening a shelter for battered onion rings.