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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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I've been to the dentist several times so I know the drill
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07-07-2011 16:46 by
Aaron
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Some people sing to plants to help them grow. That's one reason I scream at the top of my lungs the entire time I mow.
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07-07-2011 16:39 by
Aaron
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a recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem!
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07-07-2011 16:12
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im pretty sure charlie sheen will get fired from his own comedy central roast..
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07-07-2011 16:05
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane...
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07-07-2011 15:53 by
SuthernFukr
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“Hey, it's been 6 seconds. Check your phone again.” (my brain)
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07-07-2011 15:04 by
BEGO
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Thunderstorm knocked out my power so to pass the time, I'm sticking sharp metal objects into the wall outlets and hoping the power doesn't come back on.
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07-07-2011 14:33 by
Lonagan
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The next time you feel the need to post a picture of yourself holding a phone in a mirror, don't. The word tool first comes to mind.
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07-07-2011 14:28
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I'm looking forward to the day when Jesus points to me, and turns to our Father and says, "This one is mine!"
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07-07-2011 14:07
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"Use As Directed" is just a personal challenge to my creativity.
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07-07-2011 14:03 by
SuthernFukr
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Next time send the navy seals after Casey, not the Orange county sheriff
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07-07-2011 14:00 by
bubba
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Why won't the bank give me my cash in bags with dollar signs on them?.. That'd be cool."
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07-07-2011 13:33 by
Dylan Bosch
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Wishing my dog had a snooze button!!
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07-07-2011 13:31 by
ff1241
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I am starving, but not "get up out of the floor of the shower and make some food" starving.
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07-07-2011 13:21 by
Doc Noland
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My refrigerator is like a condiment time capsule.
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07-07-2011 12:12 by
SuthernFukr
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The OJ trial started the Kardashian tradition of getting black guys off
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07-07-2011 12:09 by
BOO
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Disclaimer: I'm really bad at judging what size Tupperware container leftovers will fit in.
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07-07-2011 12:06 by
SuthernFukr
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It must really suck to be a podium salesman. "Are your arms tired out from holding five pieces of paper?" You need a podium!
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07-07-2011 11:17 by
SuthernFukr
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I hate when cashiers ask you if that's everything. Oh no, I'd also like all this invisible sh!t.
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07-07-2011 10:31 by
SuthernFukr
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We should sentence Casey Anthony to 4 years of watching Tyler Perry movies.
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07-07-2011 10:23 by
@dj_soltrix
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