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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Wrong # call=boring. Wrong # text message=fun. Someone text me "Carl, where the hell r u?" I responded "sex change, call you back as Carla."
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07-28-2011 13:15 by
SuthernFukr
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WHEW! I just had a near-work experience.
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07-28-2011 13:13 by
SuthernFukr
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There's no such a thing as a happy single woman. We're all just wives-in-training or crazy cat ladies.
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07-28-2011 12:23 by
gina
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If you pretend 7am is the new happy hour, getting up early isn't all that bad anymore.
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07-28-2011 12:22
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We are $14 trillion in debt. To understand how much money that is, imagine grocery shopping at Whole Foods every day of the month.
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07-28-2011 12:06 by
jrbirk
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hates it when overweight people who don't take care of their body give weight advice! Look- when you're so fat that when you order a water-bed a freaking blanket is layed over the Pacific Ocean, do not come preaching nutrition to me.
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07-28-2011 11:52
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If you ever hit rock bottom, bring some beer. I'm almost out.
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07-28-2011 10:51
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When I hear someone say they hear voices in their head, I wonder if they're just thinking for the first time.
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07-28-2011 10:49
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I walked in on my boyfriend watching porn, later he walked in on me watching Glee. I don't know who was more embarrassed.
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07-28-2011 10:47
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I find a bit of sick pleasure in holding the door for people that are still far away to force them into an awkward run
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07-28-2011 10:43
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All I got to say is "Sisters before misters."
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07-28-2011 08:19 by
Wendy256
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To hear many religious nuts talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals.
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07-28-2011 08:12 by
BAD GUY
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Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful
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07-28-2011 08:02 by
charbel
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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07-28-2011 07:56 by
Boomtastic
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The wagon of love breaks down under the weight of baggage from the past.
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07-28-2011 06:36 by
KISSTOPHER
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Coffee without caffeine. Beer without alcohol. Milk without fat. What's next ? Marriage without sex?
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07-28-2011 06:34 by
KISSTOPHER
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The sincerest form of flattery is a steamroller
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07-28-2011 05:54 by
flinnie
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To all those that like to take pics in their bathroom mirrors, clean up the bathroom first!
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07-28-2011 05:52 by
flinnie
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Some people say I'm a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you're fired"
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07-28-2011 05:51 by
flinnie
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"Hey there, little fella!" -First words said by every guy finishing liposuction surgery.
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07-28-2011 04:22 by
@dj_soltrix
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