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CASE OF THE EX: I laugh at my mistakes, so please excuse me while I laugh in your face. 
your fat because you have a slow metabolism!!! yeah right!!! A slow metabolism and a fast appetite!!!
When I kiss you without uttering a single word, I am speaking to your soul.
I can't believe we made a movie that is essentially giving the apes a blueprint on how to take over the Earth.
I know I'm weird. I accept that.
If I were a woman, there would almost never be a time when I wouldn't wear high heels or carry a gun. Or insist everyone call me Candy.
When you think about it there aren't that many songs about rainbows.
If actions speak louder than words, why can't I hear mimes?
There's no fool like an old fool. But some of you young fools are showing real promise.
When you want things to be done, give them to a man, but when you want things to be discussed, hand them over to a woman!
Zoo tip: Real Tigers often do not follow the rules of "Eenie meenie miney moe"
GHETTO WORD OF THE DAY: OMELETTE- "Imma punch fit what you jes said, but OMELETTE this one go this time.
"I'd like to thank my celebrity life-coaches Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen, Nicholas Cage, Wesley Snipes, & Nick Nolte for the overwhelming positive effect they've had on my recent life."
I was at the red light beside a car load of mexicans when a semi ran over top them. I thought, dang that could've been me. So I got my CDL's
" Dude,I wasn't that drunk." "....you gave a mushroom to a midget and kept yelling 'GROW MARIO GROW!'.
Do it today. it might be illegal tomorrow.
What happens at the sleepovers, Stays at the sleepovers.
Why do I always crave Chick-Fil-A on Sunday and Outback Steaks at lunch time?
Today is "Work Like A Dog Day". SO, I shall eat, sleep and wag my tail. Oh and maybe slobber a bit.
If you get a tattoo on your face of another person you can pretty much guarantee you and that person is probably homeless 