Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The game should really be called Angry Terds, because the only time I ever seem to play it is on the toilet.

   the moment when your channel surfing and power rangers pop up and you think to yourself wow I used to watch a group of teenagers in tights beat up people in monster outfits

   It is so hot, the trees in my neighborhood are whistling for dogs.

   When I think back at all the pluses of being Italian, the culture, the music, the cuisine, the women...the one thing that really stands out in my mind after all these years was that I netted more than $50,000.00 at my First Communion.

   Went from being single to being in a relationSH*T

   Don't be too proud of what you have now. Be proud of what you had to do to get it.

   In life, every one of us is dealing with different kinds of problems. The trick is not about comparing your problems with other people, it's about solving your own.

   If you want to know whether you are ready to marry the one you are with, first ask yourself these two important questions. (1) Is this the best I can do? (2) Is this as good as it will ever get? If your answer to both questions is positive, then go ahead

   I admit that condoms protect me from STDs, AIDS and Herpes but sometimes I feel they take their job way too seriously and too far by also protecting me from maximum pleasure!

   "I'm David Beckham, and Harper 7 was my idea"

   God knows we aren't strong all the time. That's when he wants us to have faith & take his hand as he leads us out of the dark....-Amen!

   That automatic "via" message changed this week..... Just my way of quietly telling Apple to f*ck off!

   They say Hard times don't last forever...So someone might wanna tell Hard times that :/

   Face down, ass up, that's the way babies often sleep. Adorable!

   Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one

   Solution to world hunger: food. Boom, done, next problem.

   Remember when using “protection” meant wearing your helmet?

   Broccoli: “I look like a tree.” Walnut: “I look like a brain.” Mushroom: “I look like an umbrella.” Banana: “Dude?! Change the topic!”

   As a guy I think you can learn so much by listening to two women talk to each other..Unless they are talking about periods then you just need to excuse yourself...Cuz some mysteries should remain unsolved...

   if someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my ass?