Funny Status Messages

   When you steal a woman from another man in the middle of their relationship, don't be surprise tomorrow when someone else steals her from you coz she has already proven that she is steal-able.

   Every time I'm in a hotel and I pass by a room with a "DO NOT DISTURB" sign, I always assume that the people inside are banging the hell out of each other.

   You know it's going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with… “Are you sitting down?”

   I see you're playing stupid. Looks like you're winning too.

   Watch out! It's quite possible some of my best mistakes haven't been made yet.

   After 10 Dos Equis beers, I think I'm the most interesting man in the world.

   Thanks Sesame Street for telling us Bert & Ernie are not gay, but I'd like to hear it directly from Bert & Ernie.

   Good guys are like a thong on a fat girl....hard to find :)

   DVD Piracy Ad: 'You wouldn't steal a television' - Recent evidence suggests otherwise.

   I forget to renew my AVG anti-virus subscription and then next thing I know I've got a cold....well played, AVG, well played....

   I got to thinking about when Hugh Hefner who is 85 was dating that girl who was 25......That would be like me dating a girl who would not be born for another eight years.

   Jani Lane, lead singer of Warrant found dead. Cause of death unknown at news time but witnesses report heavy cherry smell in the air. Guess heaven wasn't too far away.

   Just when I thought my dream was real.............the elephant wants to start talkin

   Why doesn't facebook just change the Poke to what it really means. "Bend over, I'll drive."

   My boss asked me if I was trying to give him a heart attack, I'm guessing by my smug smile and walk off he got his answer.

   Updating my status in the car. Don't worry, I'm in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.

   I miss being young and innocent. Now I'm old and guilty...

   Friends are like the walls of a house. Sometimes they hold you up, sometimes you lean on them. But sometimes, it's enough to know they're just standing by.

   It's the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!

   I've been celibate for so long all I have now is a bladder release valve!