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The best things in life are free...............So how many kittens do you want? 
If you friend request me on facebook and your profile picture is a car, I will assume you're a transformer.
In life, the woman saying " it cant be done" is always interrupted by the woman doing it...that woman is ME:)
Just when I thought my dream was real... the the wife crawls out of the hole and wants to start talking...
My wife says I dont listen to her or something like that.
The grass isnt always greener on the other side...its greener where you choose to water it:)
i only drive one kind of stick...and it isnt standard ;)
Final Destination 5 ,, you would think they would have gotten there by now .
So... I noticed this tough guy on the bus wearing the same Pantera t-shirt for three straight days. Today he was wearing a Slayer shirt... Thank God for laundry day!
One womans trash is...well, just trash! Women dont throw away things that have real value ;)
People who are meant to be together always find their way in the end.
I hope no one chooses me as their one phone call in jail. I don't even answer when my mom calls.
Beyond tired right now.. everytime I blink I'm pretending its a mini nap
I can only hope that someday I have the self esteem of the 300 pound guy wearing spandex that just came in.
One man's trash is another man's daughter.
The next time I go to chruch.. I'm bringin my own wine and crackers!
I tasted my own medicine. It's bacon flavored and hallucinogenic. Thanks for the advice!
I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I'll get ripped in 15 minutes.
Having female friends is a lot like having a pet tiger. Fun in theory, but you're always waiting for the day they turn on you.
When someone tells me to guess something and I don't but they keep telling me to try, I start to guess they want to be punched in the face.
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