Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   A mom is cleaning her son's bedroom and finds a hidden stack of bondage and fetish magazines. She asks her husband what to do and he says, "What ever you do, don't f*ckin' spank him!"

   You're on Facebook on a Saturday night talking about how hard you're partying. But there's a problem... You're on Facebook on a Saturday night talking about how hard you're partying. You're not fooling anyone.

   If you laugh like this ----> bahaha, I assume you're part sheep. ;)

   Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom, while getting a raise...

   If you think I care about what you think of me, then you've highly over estimated my opinion of you.

   People say that I'm stubborn but I insist that I'm not. They eventually give in to me.

   Ladies, that "gangsta" face you make in your Facebook pictures isn't cute. You look like you're trying to smell your upper lip.

   Anybody who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't know the first thing about women or fractions.

   It takes patience to listen.., it takes skill to pretend you're listening.

   Just saw a guy using a payphone. I can only assume he's being told where to deliver the ransom money.

   If after many drinks she still looks ugly put a flag on her head and do it for your country.

   To the anonymous person that keeps sending all that damn porn to my phone.. get a new phone with a better camera please! :)

   You know what is really sad? When the only thing smart about some people is either their mouth or their phone.

   There needs to be more "damn it I missed my exit" exits.

   when does lindsey lohan turn 27?

   Why do I feel like the garbage can in my house is a game of Jenga & nobody told me we were playing??

   No you stupid assassins! I said BIEBER, not WINEHOUSE

   In life, there are three things you should not break: a heart, a promise, and a condom!

   hears....Amy has now joined Betty Ford in her clinic...w​ait...It's​ been relocated.

   n't it ironic... Amy Winehouse's debut album was called Frank. Maybe she should have talked to him!