Funny Status Messages

   "I could watch him play video games for hours," - said no one's wife, ever.

   ghetto word of the day...before: 2+2 before!

   Nice guys finish last....Real men finish on her face.

   I took a dump on a pigeons nest today. Revenge has never been this sweet.

   When someone is talking behind your back.....Just fart

   You know you are a sidechick when he got you saved under a dude's name in his phone.

   I saw a homeless guy holding a sign that said "Bet you cant hit me with a quarter!" I bet he didn't expect me to use a sling shot.

   Research shows that 80% of men don't know how to use condoms. These men are called DADS.

   All women are beautiful........UNTIL you enlarge their profile picture.

   People always say to me "Oh your a Male Nurse". My professions the ONLY one with a need to identify gender. Ya never hear "A Male Mailman handles my Mail". How would a Cop react if after pulling you over said smiling "Ooooh a MALE policeman!"

   If you have to make airplane noises to put your d*ck in your Girlfriends mouth..She is TOO young!

   "I'm laying by the pool. Better take a picture of my legs and post it on the internet." - Girls

   Men should always wear condoms because women carry diseases like emotions and pregnancy.

   Her make up make me wanna call her RACCOON.

   If I dont respond after 3 texts, get the hint.

   People worth dating are nearly impossible to come by.

   You always remember your first crush. Mine was Orange.

   Don't underestimate me. That's my family's job.

   I haven't been ignoring you. I've been prioritizing you.

   Sometimes Karma does not even want to get involved, it just wants to sit and watch because it knows, sooner or later, they are bound to screw up all by themselves.