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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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worried that my latest Goodwill donation will result in homeless people looking like sluts from the 90s
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07-25-2011 13:42
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Excuse me underccover police car, I like your 5 extra antennas...
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07-25-2011 13:39
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I may not have 'hoes' in different area codes but I'm pretty sure I've left a phone charger in most of them.
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07-25-2011 13:27
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If a robber ever breaks in, I'll just pretend to be one too, and we'll laugh and hug and he'll leave because I have first dibs.
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07-25-2011 13:23
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Sinners can undoubtedly be reformed, but stupid, stupid is forever.
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07-25-2011 13:23
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Don't think of yourself as a failure, think of yourself as unspoiled by success.
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07-25-2011 13:17 by
SuthernFukr
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After suffering my 5000th stubbed toe, I believe now is the time to invent "Nerf" end tables!
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07-25-2011 12:59 by
totalpackage
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just set up an eMeeting with myself, but it was a no show
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07-25-2011 12:09
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sitting here at my command center wondering which country I will systematically destroy today... ~stroking my beard~
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07-25-2011 11:50
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I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
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07-25-2011 11:45
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Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
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07-25-2011 11:15 by
CJ
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A good woman will do 70 chores around the house. Cooking and 69
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07-25-2011 08:56 by
Confucius
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The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.
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07-25-2011 08:31
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I knew these Siamese twins. They moved to England, so the other one could drive
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07-25-2011 08:12
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if anyone catches me singing in my car, my immediate reaction is to stare at them until it is equally awkward for both of us.
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07-25-2011 07:58 by
Zep
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Statistically, I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to hell in multiple religions.
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07-25-2011 04:59
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We have a lot of children living on our street, so I try to caution speeders by bouncing an old tricycle off their windshield
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07-25-2011 04:58
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Who else thinks ambulances and fire trucks would be more efficient if they played "Move b!tch, get out the way" instead of using a siren?
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07-25-2011 04:56
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Just heard about the death of one of the biggest stars of our time. We all knew they had it coming with the pale white skin and slits for a nose, they'll be greatly missed. RIP Voldemort...
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07-25-2011 04:16 by
Harry P
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Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” I said, “I am.”
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07-25-2011 04:00
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