Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
Page: 4612 of 5593

   messageicon I wish I could commute to work by roller-coaster....
←Rate | 08-15-2011 10:22 by Grifter Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if Busta Rhymes texts with no spaces...
←Rate | 08-15-2011 10:22 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This really works, 1 hold your breath for one hour. 2 die
←Rate | 08-15-2011 10:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever a bird poops on my car I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch just to let them know what I'm capable of!
←Rate | 08-15-2011 05:56 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never eat in hospital cafeterias. I'm always afraid they'll try to poison me to amp up business.
←Rate | 08-15-2011 05:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today, at Starbucks, when the lady asked for my name, I told her "Voldemort". When the guy called out the name for pick-up, he said, "VOL...uhhh...'He Who Must Not Be Named'".
←Rate | 08-15-2011 05:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me and my girl roleplay in the bedroom, she pretends she's Catwoman and I pretend I love her
←Rate | 08-15-2011 05:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just called the police on my GF, not for a crime, I just want them to remind her she has the right to remain silent
←Rate | 08-15-2011 05:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The most best things in life can't be seen or touched....at least that's what the restraining order says.
←Rate | 08-15-2011 05:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always seem to hurt the ones I love the most. Probably because I've got a huge d*ck.
←Rate | 08-15-2011 05:10 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon I test girls by sending a text that says "I can't find my phone can you call it?" if she calls, its not gonna work out
←Rate | 08-15-2011 05:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My ex hates my new girlfriend, but I mean, its not like she ever got along with her mom anyway.
←Rate | 08-15-2011 03:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it when deer decide to commit suicide they always choose my car as the weapon of choice!? :/
←Rate | 08-15-2011 03:27 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not into any sports. But I'll watch women's beach volleyball​ if it's on
←Rate | 08-15-2011 03:25 by Mike M Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm trying to rule the world, you want to own a lot of shoes. We're not on the same playing field.
←Rate | 08-15-2011 03:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just killed a bug with a bible...not sure what happens now.
←Rate | 08-15-2011 03:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I didn't get fired, I just got demoted to customer.
←Rate | 08-15-2011 03:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You were on my good side, until you told me that you believe Elvis is still alive.
←Rate | 08-15-2011 03:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Budget Models; the bathroom is for sh*tting, pissing and showering, not for photo shoots
←Rate | 08-15-2011 03:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon when you r I'll suddenly everyone around you is a doctor
←Rate | 08-15-2011 01:28 Comments (1)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left