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You're so trashy, I'm surprised the garbage man doesn't try to pick you up with the rest of the trash bins. 
I am going on a date with a girl I met on Facebook. I warned her that she better look like her profile photo, or she buying me beer until she does!
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It's not like a murderer will come in thinking "I'm gonna ki..- ahh damn! She's under a blanket."
What's the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?... I don't have a Ferrari right now.
Put deep thought in before you jump that little fence to "greener pastures". Because when you try to go back, and you probably will try, that same fence may become an infinite wall...
it time for your medication or mine?
Whenever you feel like an idiot, just remember that flushing the toilet correctly already makes you less of an idiot than someone else
Why is it that I have to take medication to stop myself from slapping people who need to take medication?
My mother + my father - condom = COOLEST PERSON ALIVE! :-).
Why are people always trying to get into shape?? Round is a shape!
Besides seeing it on money, 'government' and 'trust' do not mix.
Have you ever deleted a "friend?" If so, what was your rationale?
I just watch my dog chase his own tail for 10 minutes and I was like, "Wow dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized that I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes.....
My biological clock must be off.. I'm getting morning wood in the evening
I would like to see the original blue prints for the city Starship built on rock and roll.
I don't know how anybody gets attacked by sharks...As soon as I heard that first, "Dun, Dun." I'd be out of there.
A nice name for a girl would be Regrette.
always been a fan of myths and urban legends, like the unicorn, Candyman, and Friday productivity
A back-up plan means your plan sucks.
thinks that you are never too old to talk into a fan to hear your robot voice.
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