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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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My attention has no span.
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07-30-2011 14:29 by
SuthernFukr
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Drinks at the bar should be served in capri sun-like pouches, and if you can't get the straw in then they cut you off.
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07-30-2011 14:27 by
SuthernFukr
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They say you're only as old as you feel, so I must be kinda-drunk-and-a-little-hungry years old.
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07-30-2011 14:12 by
SuthernFukr
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Watching the x games, live on the toilet on espn, on my iphone... The future is here ppl
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07-30-2011 14:10 by
Tonez
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Say "no" to drugs. If drugs are talking to you, you've already had too many.
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07-30-2011 13:33
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You think you're pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone else's shower.
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07-30-2011 13:05 by
SuthernFukr
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I can't believe Charmin Bathroom Tissue. I shared with them a great marketing slogan, and they rejected it: "Just like the Starship Enterprise, Charmin circles Uranus in search of Klingons."
47
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07-30-2011 13:03 by
MTQ
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Don't you just hate it when 9 year olds have a better phone than you.. it's like, who are you gonna call kid? Elmo??
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07-30-2011 12:52
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If Rap music ever takes off in North Korea, I'll bet there's gonna be a big scramble for the name "Run DMZ".
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07-30-2011 11:34
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Someone said that I need to look at the world from a woman's point of view, so I looked out the kitchen window.
124
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07-30-2011 11:15 by
Womanizer
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Some women are wound up tighter than the girdle of a Baptist minister's wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.
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07-30-2011 10:20 by
MTQ
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Based on recent observation, I honestly believe that (insert state name) is a breeding ground for Land Manatees. :-/
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07-30-2011 10:18
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the only thing stronger than a mother's love is a garlic breath.
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07-30-2011 08:04
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that weired feeling when a kid just walks up to you and says the one word s/he knows..."dadda"!
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07-30-2011 07:57
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A woman recently changed her FB status to "got my periods" 20 guys liked it and 30 commented "thank God"
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07-30-2011 06:15
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Stuck between Yeah! I have a job and Crap I have to go to work!
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07-30-2011 05:41
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Children grow up so fast. One day they're taking their 1st steps, the next they're taken away after a judge rules you're a negligent parent.
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07-30-2011 03:09 by
flinnie
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Sometimes you have to tell yourself "This the worst idea ever!" and then do it anyways.
37
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07-30-2011 00:37 by
SuthernFukr
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0
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They should make Harry Potter brand condoms Protect your slytherin from hogwarts while you're in her chamber of secrets.
168
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07-30-2011 00:36 by
SuthernFukr
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some people deserve the middle finger more often
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07-30-2011 00:30
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