Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Just because it"s called spandex..doesn't mean it should be put to the "how far can it expand" test.

   I wonder if starving kids in Africa are comforted by the fact that people routinely use them as an excuse to over eat.

   I understand the concept of cooking and cleaning. I also understand the concept of space flight. Doesnt mean I'm going to the moon anytime soon.

   Why doesn't the White House have a BIG YARD SALE to pay back the debt?

   Jack got fired for thinking outside the box

   HEY! Dude at the crosswalk, hitting that button repeatedly doesn't make the light change any faster. STOP DOING THAT!

   Today someone asked me how I would react if someone jumped off a bridge. I laughed and said,"depends on who it is that jumped!!"

   Open Google Maps (Get Directions) 2: Type China as your starting point 3: Type Taiwan as your destination. 4: Read step 48

   My doctor e-mailed me asking if I knew my “blod group”. I replied, “typo.”

   Why does everyone say my name like it means “Shut Up”?

   Boys night out,my friends are great..we all know how to really party! :thanks -jack daniels,jim bean,jose cuervo,jimmy walker

   They truly don't make movies like they use too...When I was a kid movies had values, morals and ethics...And without these great movies how would I have ever known that I "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead"...

   If you cross the N. Korean border illegally, you get 12yrs. hard labor. If you cross the Afghanistan border illegally, you get shot. If you cross the U.S. border illegally you get a job, a driver's license, food stamps, a place to live, and health care.

   The people that doubt you are usually the ones that know you can succeed.

   you are probably not as cool as you think, if you use the word "HELLA" trying to make a funny comment!

   made an observation at the drug store today. There's an aisle that pretty much sums up the phases of life in products. Diapers, condoms, and adult diapers. From peeing in your pants, to lots of sex, then, back to peeing in your pants.

   If aliens ever land on earth and demand to see our leader, our best chance of survival is to bring them to Lady Gaga.

   NEVER take fashion advice from someone who wears CROCS!!!

   My couple friends just keep me around so that when they fight they can refer to me to remind them how awful & lonely it is to be single.

   Tonight is a Jim Croce night. I most definitely will be spending some time in a bottle!