Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   When work gets monotonous I go for a long sit down potty Break. Then I can honestly say to my boss "Hey! I'm one of the few people who actually gives a sh*t around here!"

   A smart man never interrupts his wife.....when she is......... cooking cleaning and doing laundry!

   Some people just don't get it. If you're not happy being single, you'll never be happy in a relationship. GET A LIFE FIRST then try to share it

   #ThatMomentOfPanic when the 2 year old's parent asks, "Who hurt you", and the child points at you..............FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!!!!!!

   I just play music louder and louder til I can't hear my stupid seat belt warning beeping

   Losing friends and alienating people, one day at a time!

   Be the girl that all the guys want. Not the girl all the guys HAD.

   Wife quote of the weekend: "I can't believe Kim Kardashian is making 2 million dollars off her wedding, and all I made was 2 kids and my father really mad." Thanks, honey, it's all been magical for me too...

   Quick question.... Who gets all of Gadhafi's cool sunglasses when they catch him?

   Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? A. He worked it out with a pencil

   There are only 5 things we need in life: Good friends, Good job, Good food, Good sleep & Good _uck. Whatever you are thinking... is right.

   Every Indian right now is a cricket analyst !

   I love when people post "whats going on tonight!" or "text me with plans" if your friends need reminded to text you with plans you have no friends.

   I hope my kid's take God to school with them !!

   Recycling old ones doesn't make them good, or original... AC... and everyone else posting unoriginal stuff. Now run along, before I get deleted for this one, while your recycled crap stays. Cheers :)

   My High School Dropout, Knocked Up Your Honor Roll Student...

   When I'm on my death bed, I want my last words to be...."I left 10 million dollars in the..........."

   Aw, this is nice. Today is Be An Angel Day. And they all laughed at me when I said this harp would come in handy one day. Who's laughing now, huh?! So, um, yeah, be excellent to each other today, k?

   Dear Smiley Face, can you take your quote and shove it up where the sun dont smile.

   Dear whoever is reading this; You are an amazing human being, never forget that.