Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Florida: Those computerized hurricane forecast models are ridiculous. You could give a 4 year old a map and a crayon, and they'd come up with something almost as inaccurate.

   I don't hate you, I just don't appreciate your existence.

   Before you judge me: deal with what I've dealt with, Feel what I've felt, Survive what I've survived, Master what I have mastered and Overcome what I overcame.

   You know you're in love when you're standing in line at Forever 21 making a return on a dress and panties that your girlfriend was too embarrassed to do herself!

   The bigger the EXPECTATION, the bigger the HEARTBREAK!

   You're like a drug to me, not only am I hooked on you but you're also ruining my life...

   They say, "You are what you eat" ... The thing is, I don't remember eating a sexy b!tch.... oh wait a minute. Scratch that....

   So who is the bitter old man who started these damn "she's to young for you bro" crap? So she didn't like you, "Bitter party of one?...Bitter party of one......"

   Here at Kotex Tampons were not claiming to be number one, were certainly not number two,. But when it come"s to Tampons were right up in there...

   If you think it's necessary to judge me by my past, don't get mad when I think it's necessary to put you there

   thinks as a male, I will always feel judged when buying hand lotion….

   History repeats itself oppurtunities dont!

   Now these are just plain stupid. Can someone PLEASE just create one with Natural humor? Not just "forced/Trying too hard" Humor!

   If I had chicken, carrots, and cabbage to add to my ramen noodles to make chicken noodle soup, I wouldn't be eating Ramen Noodles in the first place.

   Go to your profile, look to the right. Now annoy those 8 friends by tagging them in a stupid post about the zombie apoclyspe, or bank robbery, and let them know you have no life.

   Warning.. This Status is Rated TV MA LSV!

   Guys, You Know It Must Of Been One Hell Of A Night When You Can't Pee Straight... Err, I Mean See Straight.

   The IDEAL guy does not smoke,,does not drink,,does not flirt with other girls,,does not lie,,does not cheat,,...and finally does "NOT EXIST".

   waering "faux fur" is like eating tofu steak

   I called my stockbroker and asked him what I should be buying. He said, "If the current administration is in office much longer, canned goods, water and ammunition are your best bet."