Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Lawyer to Mickey: Sorry Mickey I can't divorce you from Minnie because she has big teeth.......Mickey to Lawyer: Sir, That's not what I meant when I said she was f*cking Goofy!!

   I hate it when I'm daydreaming and some retard waves his hand in my face.

   Every time we say, "Let's pull an all-nighter!" Every time we fall asleep.

   There are 5 things in life you cannot recover: A stone...after it's thrown. A word...after it is said. An occasion...after it's missed. The time...after it's gone. A person...after they die. Life is short. Forgive quickly. Kiss slowly. Love truly.

   CASE OF THE EX: I laugh at my mistakes, so please excuse me while I laugh in your face.

   your fat because you have a slow metabolism!!! yeah right!!! A slow metabolism and a fast appetite!!!

   When I kiss you without uttering a single word, I am speaking to your soul.

   I can't believe we made a movie that is essentially giving the apes a blueprint on how to take over the Earth.

   I know I'm weird. I accept that.

   If I were a woman, there would almost never be a time when I wouldn't wear high heels or carry a gun. Or insist everyone call me Candy.

   When you think about it there aren't that many songs about rainbows.

   If actions speak louder than words, why can't I hear mimes?

   There's no fool like an old fool. But some of you young fools are showing real promise.

   When you want things to be done, give them to a man, but when you want things to be discussed, hand them over to a woman!

   Zoo tip: Real Tigers often do not follow the rules of "Eenie meenie miney moe"

   GHETTO WORD OF THE DAY: OMELETTE- "Imma punch fit what you jes said, but OMELETTE this one go this time.

   "I'd like to thank my celebrity life-coaches Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen, Nicholas Cage, Wesley Snipes, & Nick Nolte for the overwhelming positive effect they've had on my recent life."

   I was at the red light beside a car load of mexicans when a semi ran over top them. I thought, dang that could've been me. So I got my CDL's

   " Dude,I wasn't that drunk." "....you gave a mushroom to a midget and kept yelling 'GROW MARIO GROW!'.

   Do it today. it might be illegal tomorrow.