Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon I love it when a girl smiles, she looks beautiful but when she makes a duck face... honestly, she looks like a duck
←Rate | 08-24-2011 19:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's not fair to blame Pizza Hut for my weight gain. It was more of a Domino effect.
←Rate | 08-24-2011 18:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Prostitutes are born when you give goodwill all your slutty clothes.
←Rate | 08-24-2011 17:42 by pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon I go to the liquor store and stock up for hurricanes almost every other weekend.
←Rate | 08-24-2011 16:50 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Warning: Warnings are so retarded. Like on this deodorant 'Avoid contact with eyes.' Too late, I've already seen it.
←Rate | 08-24-2011 16:46 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seismologists have determined that the earthquake in Washington,D.C. was not caused by a fault line, but by our Founding Fathers rolling over in their graves!!!!
←Rate | 08-24-2011 16:25 by crodriguez Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imagine a guy trying to run upstairs while wearing roller blades. That's my life
←Rate | 08-24-2011 16:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll usually hug people when it's obvious they only want to shake hands
←Rate | 08-24-2011 16:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team
←Rate | 08-24-2011 16:12 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everything I need to know about whether or not cops are allowed to search my car I learned from Jay-Z songs
←Rate | 08-24-2011 16:10 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saw a black velvet Kenny Rogers painting today. I wish I was kidding, but I'm not.
←Rate | 08-24-2011 16:06 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Lord, please give me the strength to forgive those who put LOL in their status updates
←Rate | 08-24-2011 16:03 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well, I guess these tequila shots aren't going to regret themselves
←Rate | 08-24-2011 15:56 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon While Prince may have found his mother demanding. Maybe she just didn't want to see him wear a frilly purple suit everyday
←Rate | 08-24-2011 15:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I felt sorry for a hypnotist I saw on TV last night... He hypnotized 7 guys, then he tripped over the microphone cord and yelled, "Screw This Microphone!".... What happened next will haunt me forever...
←Rate | 08-24-2011 15:35 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whoever coined the phrase "The Buck stops here" has obviously never ever carried my poor wallet!
←Rate | 08-24-2011 15:30 by JBabcock Comments (0)  


   messageicon A girl's moan is the sexiest sound, ever.
←Rate | 08-24-2011 15:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Respect your parents. They pay for your internet
←Rate | 08-24-2011 15:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon i would slap the pretty out of your face if you had any left
←Rate | 08-24-2011 15:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Help me out... I cant decide. Should I buy flowers or a sympathy card for the b*tches dying to be like me
←Rate | 08-24-2011 15:11 Comments (0)  



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