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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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My boss asked me if I was trying to give him a heart attack, I'm guessing by my smug smile and walk off he got his answer.
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08-12-2011 07:27
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Updating my status in the car. Don't worry, I'm in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.
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08-12-2011 06:46 by
flinnie
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I miss being young and innocent. Now I'm old and guilty...
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08-12-2011 04:56 by
J.B
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Friends are like the walls of a house. Sometimes they hold you up, sometimes you lean on them. But sometimes, it's enough to know they're just standing by.
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08-12-2011 04:54 by
J.B
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It's the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!
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08-12-2011 04:52 by
J.B
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I've been celibate for so long all I have now is a bladder release valve!
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08-12-2011 04:33
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Guys who claim they are players usually get no plays. Beware of the quiet private ones.
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08-12-2011 04:20
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Obama just announced his NEW plan! He is going to vacation in Martha's Vineyard
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08-12-2011 03:27 by
BB
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I am going to change your relationship status from “Taken” to “Stolen”
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08-12-2011 03:17 by
KISSTOPHER
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Insomnia. I tried counting sheep, but they kept sitting down and telling me their problems. Very anxiety-ridden, those sheep...
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08-12-2011 02:29
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One of the unsung signs of depression is throwing away fast food trash in your bathroom trashcan.
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08-12-2011 01:30 by
Doc Noland
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I'm so lazy I just gave up halfway through a shrug.
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08-12-2011 01:25 by
Doc Noland
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I know my dream woman is out there somewhere. And that her boring friend is the one who's into me.
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08-12-2011 01:20 by
Doc Noland
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I just farted...
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08-12-2011 00:56 | Tags: Filtered
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So what happened?? Did London just find out about the Rodney King verdict
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08-12-2011 00:50 by
~heZz~
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it just me, or do those Stouffer's French Bread pizzas burn the sh%t out of the roof of your mouth too?
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08-12-2011 00:49
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Note to women: Its not that difficult to put the seat down if its left up.
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08-11-2011 23:20
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Marriage; the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy a license.
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08-11-2011 22:22 by
BEGO
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A picture is worth a thousand words. Yours just says “slut” a thousand times in a row
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08-11-2011 22:21 by
BEGO
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tried to balance the light switch, I should probably go to bed...
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08-11-2011 22:19 by
MikeM.
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