Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The only person I have to be better than is the person I was yesterday.

   kleptomania, when it's bad I take something for it..........Nipper

   "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends".... if only all girls thought like the spice girls

   "They" say money and sex is the root of all evil. Well I think "they" are just poor virgins

   I don't know about flavored vodkas, but I'm pretty sure tequila only comes in one flavor; “Bad Decisions”.

   Behind every fat girl there is a beautiful woman.....No seriously, you're in the way.

   Wedding rings are bad for your circulation.

   Fat chicks never forget a drunken hook-up, because an elephant never forgets.

   "I could watch him play video games for hours," - said no one's wife, ever.

   ghetto word of the day...before: 2+2 before!

   Nice guys finish last....Real men finish on her face.

   I took a dump on a pigeons nest today. Revenge has never been this sweet.

   When someone is talking behind your back.....Just fart

   You know you are a sidechick when he got you saved under a dude's name in his phone.

   I saw a homeless guy holding a sign that said "Bet you cant hit me with a quarter!" I bet he didn't expect me to use a sling shot.

   Research shows that 80% of men don't know how to use condoms. These men are called DADS.

   All women are beautiful........UNTIL you enlarge their profile picture.

   People always say to me "Oh your a Male Nurse". My professions the ONLY one with a need to identify gender. Ya never hear "A Male Mailman handles my Mail". How would a Cop react if after pulling you over said smiling "Ooooh a MALE policeman!"

   If you have to make airplane noises to put your d*ck in your Girlfriends mouth..She is TOO young!

   "I'm laying by the pool. Better take a picture of my legs and post it on the internet." - Girls