Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon "Strike while the iron is hot" is pretty violent advice, but I guess if I'm hitting someone with an iron it might as well be hot.
←Rate | 09-04-2011 11:43 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon It recently became apparent to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on a keyboard.This is why I'll never be ending an e-mail with the phrase"Regards"ever again.
←Rate | 09-04-2011 11:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon at least the Notre Dame crowd Evacuated Like A Champion Yesterday
←Rate | 09-04-2011 10:08 by migasjoe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes when an attractive woman starts talking to me I forget how to speak and just start doing lunges.
←Rate | 09-04-2011 10:05 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I met a girl the other day. She said it's a must for her mate to be into the arts. I told her I am very much into the arts... the art of beer drinking, the art of watching football, and the art of long walks on the beach after anal.
←Rate | 09-04-2011 09:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank goodness pets can't talk, they know way too much.
←Rate | 09-04-2011 09:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Q: Why are single women skinnier than married women? A: Single women go to the fridge, see nothing nice and then go to bed. Married women go to bed, see nothing nice and then go to the fridge.
←Rate | 09-04-2011 08:09 by AnnaMariaPastaFazoola Comments (0)  


   messageicon told my girlfriend .. "if you ever want to try anal sex, I'll be behind you all the way"!!
←Rate | 09-04-2011 08:02 by me Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why Are there always TWO bathtubs? And they're outside? ....... Wrong,, Wrong,, Wrong,, These people don't need a little blue pill,, they need counsuling....
←Rate | 09-04-2011 06:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm more scared than Barack Obama at a Willie Nelson concert.
←Rate | 09-04-2011 06:11 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon After watching Transformers, I just spent an hour in my garage telling my car that I know his secret. Maybe he's just shy.
←Rate | 09-04-2011 06:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't take me for granted and break my heart, because unlike the others, I will kick your a$$.
←Rate | 09-04-2011 06:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Car commercials make driving around in empty parking garages look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
←Rate | 09-04-2011 05:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Interesting how you can't say "prick" on TV as a noun or calling someone the name. You can say you got a prick on your finger just don't say you fingered a prick.
←Rate | 09-04-2011 01:54 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon i'm so romantic, sometimes I think I should date myself.
←Rate | 09-04-2011 01:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You try to teach a kid not to steal, but every once in a while they come back with something you really want. Now I have a back scratcher.
←Rate | 09-04-2011 00:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its sad that at a certain point some peoples promises just start too sound like Charlie Brown's Teacher..."Wah wah wah wah wah wah"
←Rate | 09-04-2011 00:06 by bryan j brown Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know da day is off to a bad start when you realize you put your dirty socks in the toaster, two slices of bread in the toilet and peed in the laundry hamper.
←Rate | 09-03-2011 23:13 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think the Angry Birds could use some anger management counselling. Mellow out, my cranky avian bros!
←Rate | 09-03-2011 23:11 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  


   messageicon The wife asks "Do you wanna have sex or watch Top Chef?"... Apparently "Well, what are they cooking?" was the wrong answer
←Rate | 09-03-2011 23:06 Comments (0)  



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