Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Being dyslexic has drawbacks. I once went to a toga party dressed as a goat

   And Jesus said to His disciples, "Follow me....on twitter."

   if cows could fly, would they all migrate to India?

   A real woman not accept expensive gifts from a man she is not attracted to and has no intention of dating. But a gold-digger would.

   Someday we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

   Are you thinking what I'm thinking that I think that you're thinking I'm thinking because if you think that I think that I ... wait what were we thinking about?

   Barbie is going to be so happy. She is getting over the fact that Ken comes in a different box.

   With gold prices so high, and considering how much Goldschläger that I drink, I'm taking my turds down to cash4gold.

   Having sex is like riding a bicycle. It's fun till your ass starts to hurt and the chain comes off.

   In only 366 days, I will be one year clean and sober.cheers,!

   Football season is a lot like my se(x) life....except for I actually care when football season is coming.

   I can let the fact that she owns a cat slide....as long as it's never been used as her profile pic.

   In my house, relationships go sour before a gallon of milk does...

   My wife thinks i'm crazy. I'm beginning to regret all the effort I put into protecting her from the king of the potato people.

   I bought an anti bullying wrist band today...I say bought I actually stole it of a fat ginger kid

   I've learned that fights can always be avoided with a slow kiss of the forehead.

   Rough day. Truck broke down, went to find help, ended up in a human centipede.

   My kid asks me why the clock says 4:30. Ummm, because it's 4:30. So dumb, I don't care if you're five.

   If I won the lottery I wouldn't quit my job. However, I would test the limits of misbehaving until they fired me :) __ I'll call this wish #473.

   Real recognize real and you don't look familiar to me!