Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   WORDS OF ADVICE: Whenever she says "I think we should see other people", what she really means is that she's been seeing someone else behind your back for weeks and has now grown tired of the charade.

   When I give a quick witted response to a question, I want my friends to clap and say "good answer" several times Family Feud style.

   Baskin-Robbins just sent a memo to Rosie O'Donnell-"Thanks to you, we're down to only 5 flavors!"

   When you give it all you got, you sometimes end up with nothing.

   Stop using Jesus as an excuse for being a narrow-minded, bigoted a$$hole.

   Today is Teachers Day. Any other whiskies should not be allowed...

   Foot fetishes are for men who don't know what boobs are

   If you watch Titanic backwards, . It is a heart warming tale of a Ship Which jumps out of the water And Saves lots of drowning people . . .

   Somewhere out there is a girl taking the batteries out of her remote for her Vibrator.

   Would like like to thank all the women that lowered their standards and went out with me on a date.

   Restaraunt pagers for long waits can be fun. Just ask to use the toilet while waiting then apologize to the Hostess for dropping it in the really messy toilet as youre seated. Note the look on her face and have fun reliving that moment as you finally eat

   New game. We go out and get like 20 Tazers and play Tazer tag.

   Fellas: When you go around flash your money, don't get mad when you only attract broke a$$ women who are looking for a handout.

   I like to play mind games, but sometimes I leave my equipment at home.

   People like you are the reason why the middle finger was invented

   I fell asleep at the wheel smh, time to turn Mario Kart off and go to bed.

   DRUNKEN BAR FIGHT. Put the 1st 8 friends at the left of your profile in order... this does not work for moble users...CRAP.

   I've managed to keep a plant alive for 6 months now, so obviously I'm ready for a relationship.

   .All sexy women should be seen in 3-D...That's my apartment # 3 - D .

   Everyone's always competing for the best weight loss plan, I got it right here: Turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat exercise when offered something to eat. #legit