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Funny how they call it common sense when it seems so rare. 
I remember September 11th like it was only yesterday.
Just saw a baby with a shirt that said, not everything stays in Vegas.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children
The cops knocked on my door today & told me that my dog attacked a man on a bike. I told them to quit lying. My dog don't own a bike!
If your going to hit my car with your door, then stare at me like ur mind me..and I ask you if you have a problem, man up and don't walk away..Stupid 90 year old lady in a wheelchair with oxygen tanks...
Sometimes you have to walk through a field of weeds to find the perfect marijuana.
"Common sense..its in high demand... And short supply"
People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you're watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
Am I weird because, I'm just sitting in my boat drinking a beer? Oh I forgot to mention the boat is in the driveway.
Just washed down a multi vitamin with a corona.
I dont need anger management classes. You need STFU classes
ive heard the old saying that "opportunity is just around the corner" but sometimes a hooker is around that corner so is the hooker your opportunity?
God grant me the strenghth not to throat punch anyone taday, Amen!
I don't care how healthy you say it is, a shot of wheatgrass is what giving Swamp Thing a bl*wjob would taste like.
You know how we smack your household appliances when they're malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.
The NFL post game show is the male version of The View.
"Surprise, surprise, surprise!" - Gomer Pyle, World's Worst Ninja
I hate people who speak for other people, and so do you.
What are you doing here? Was there a jailbreak at the zoo? 