Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon The streets are jam packed full of cars this morning... that speech last night must of created a ton of jobs...get real people
←Rate | 09-09-2011 07:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Had a great past weekend at Myrtle Beach with my girlfriend. She only caught me looking twice at women on the beach... The bruises are almost gone....!!!!
←Rate | 09-09-2011 07:08 by Peter Gillespie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook has allowed me to bring my "He's a distraction to the rest of the class" from grade school to a global scale!!
←Rate | 09-09-2011 06:45 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the begging, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you're wishing you had a club and a spade.
←Rate | 09-09-2011 06:10 by Fel Comments (0)  


   messageicon What you give to a woman is multiplied. Give her sperm, she gives you baby. Give her a house, she gives a home. Give her groceries, she gives you a meal. Give her a smile, she gives you her heart. Give her a little crap, she gives you a ton of sh!t.
←Rate | 09-09-2011 05:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apple's new major social breakthrough - a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost between $499 - $799, depending on cup size and speakers. Nore more complaints about how he just stares at your chest and doesn't listen!
←Rate | 09-09-2011 05:22 by Fel Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do meteorologists try and educate me on the workings of mother nature?  Dude, just tell me pants or shorts tomorrow...
←Rate | 09-09-2011 01:57 by Mike M Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Facebook ever starts showing how many times a person has visited someone's profile, a lot of people are going to have some explaining to do.
←Rate | 09-09-2011 01:29 by Hot Tea Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's a good thing the Giants are not playing the Jets this Sunday. Remember, the Giants lost last time they met.
←Rate | 09-09-2011 00:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why would you want to be reminded of how 9/11 was. That was a horrific day that I would prefer not to be reminded of.
←Rate | 09-09-2011 00:08 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Occasionally, I like to take a look through my old status updates and smile smugly at my sparkling wit.
←Rate | 09-08-2011 22:33 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorting out your Facebook friends list? Change the date of your birthday and anyone who wishes you happy birthday, delete!
←Rate | 09-08-2011 22:30 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life's cruel when you think it is, life's happy when you feel it is, and life's best when you enjoy it as it is.
←Rate | 09-08-2011 22:29 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when a singer I can't stand comes out with a song that is UNLIKE them and I like it and don't even realize it is them. Then someone tells me who it is and it ruins the song for me.
←Rate | 09-08-2011 22:22 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon never understood people watching a football game wearing their team jersey. Thats like me watching CSI dressed as a dead hooker.
←Rate | 09-08-2011 21:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon why is there always, that one person in the group that wants to be a kiss ass! The one, when someone ask "is there any questions" (2 min before its time to go) they wanna ask a question. In your mind all you thinking is "this biotch"!
←Rate | 09-08-2011 20:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I found a new app for my smart phone, Its called Dumbass. Its supposed to alert me when after I've been drinking and I'm about to send a text.... It says hay Dumbass, are you really sure you want to send this...?
←Rate | 09-08-2011 20:50 by Littlehewy Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Wesley Snipes had paid his taxes our country wouldn't be in this position.....
←Rate | 09-08-2011 20:29 by sully Comments (0)  


   messageicon My romantic poem to the wife...."Roses are red and violets are blue. Lay on the bed and I will eat you!
←Rate | 09-08-2011 20:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people around me are alive because I can't afford a hitman....!
←Rate | 09-08-2011 20:01 by David Comments (0)  



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