Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Only with my mother could me saying "getting old sucks" be heard as "getting oral s*x".

   No trust in a relationship is like a car with no gas. You can stay in it as long as you want but you aren't going anywhere.

   I pretend to work.They pretend to pay me.

   I wear knit hats because its cold outside, you wear knit hats because of Coldplay

   i don't understand why people fly virgin airlines, why would you want to fly on an airlines that doesn't go all the way

   I have a low tolerance for pain... but the up side I can endure A LOT of pleasure.

   A great relationship is based on two main principles. First, appreciate your similarities and second, respect your differences.

   We all have that one friend we used to get wicked and do crazy stuff with but then they suddenly flipped on us and overnight became a hardcore religious nut and now can't hang out together due to spiritual differences.

   what started out as a joke, ended up me sleeping on the stairs for 2 hours.

   how come the bus driver is the only one with a seatbelt?

   just shaved my facebook

   Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?

   Congratulations! You have just won 100,000,000 dollars in the mobile draw reply with full name, D.O.B, address etc. to claim your price. By courtesy of the Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe.

   There are certain days in the year where it's socially acceptable to act like a retard. Someone tell the people here it's not one of those days...

   Maybe Oscar wouldn't have been so grouchy if the people on Sesame Street cared about the fact that he's homeless

   'C' is for cookie; that's good enough for me.

   Ive created a fb group called "threesome" and invited two girls. I'm not going to say a word and just see what happens.

   Justin Bieber's parents must be so proud of her

   If your life and or feelings are are better because you're now posting anonymously... It's time to re-evaluate your life choices my friend. That's just sad. There is actually a "real world" out there.

   It takes real courage to suck another man's c@ck. And any man who can do it can dern well defend the nation I love.