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Its my birthday today and I am feeling so special even the supermarket doors are opening by themselves when they see me coming through. 
dear Friday, I'm ready..
when someone says "Sh*t just got real!" does it mean everything was fake all along ? o_0
botox, hair dye, liposuction, firming body cream ...your only hope now is to find the fountain of intelligence
Just once I'd like to hear Obama say "Nigga Please".
ever notice Michael Moore looks like Peter Griffin
adjusting your boxers does not constitute playing with yourself.
Mirror: You look amazing. Camera: I don't think so... Friends: Hey you, someone looks beautiful! Self-esteem: You're ugly.
Facebook is not the place to reveal your deepest darkest secrets. Your friends "like" you but they don't like you that much!
You'll never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks. Rather keep biscuits in your pocket, feed the dogs & move ahead.
I have a lot of friends practicing law without a degree. They all want to judge me.
In kindergarden they call them cooties. in high school we call them STDs...
This is how my week goes mooooooooooooonday.. tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday... weeeeeeeeeeednesday... thuuuuuuuuuuursday.. fridaysaturdaysunday....
Maan !! You're 20 years old & she's 15 years old, HOW COULD YOU CALL IT RELATIONSHIP ? IT'S BABYSITTING !
Hey Reality, I've a extremely large list of people you've forgot to slap!
I'm sorry Real World.. I don't have time to get to know 7 more people.. My Fb is already full!
I liked you when we first met but, since then, you've talked me out of it.
Tonight's dinner was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I made it using the recommended serving amounts indicated on the jars. Who came up with these standards...an Ethiopian?
PSA: You may “love” your boyfriend, But we'd all appreciate it if you didn't post it on Facebook every thirty seconds, thanks.
Giving up is the easiest thing you could ever do But holding it together when everything else falls apart thats true strength
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