I just asked my buddy who's lived in Texas on a farm his whole life how many sexual partners he's been with. Strangely enough he started counting and fell asleep. O.o
Gerbil owner? Add an element of surprise to your pets day by placing a bowl of ready Brek in it's cage, covered in sawdust and then placing a sign nearby saying "danger quicksand"
My ex-girlfriend sent me a message last night saying "I'm at a major c0ckfest". I guess this is her way of making me jealous, jokes on her I don't even like c0ck.