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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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There should be a law requiring the cashier to high five you every time you buy a box of condoms.
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09-29-2011 08:24 by
Marshall the Great
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Just came up with the best idea ever! And it's called going to bed. good night everyone.
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09-29-2011 07:39 by
Smart
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Because of tanning beds, 1000 years from now archeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment
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09-29-2011 07:32 by
flinnie
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I play this fun game with ladies called "just the tip," where I refuse to pay for anything other than the gratuity at dinner.
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09-29-2011 07:24 by
flinnie
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I was gonna give change to a homeless guy today, but his sign said ONE DAY IT COULD BE YOU. So, I held onto it just in case he was right
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09-29-2011 07:21 by
flinnie
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Some might debate whether waterboarding is torture, but we can all agree leaving burnt popcorn beeping in the office microwave IS torture.
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09-29-2011 07:17 by
flinnie
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Having one child makes you a parent, having two makes you a referee and having more than two makes you a bouncer!
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09-29-2011 06:26
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When the alcohol goes in, the truth comes out.
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09-29-2011 06:24
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I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself.
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09-29-2011 05:48 by
Mick F
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My closest relationship is with my phone.
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09-29-2011 05:24
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If your sex manual says, "sex only in beds" you obviously have the Beginner's Edition!
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09-29-2011 05:15
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You ever go to sleep late afternoon and wake up after dark....and you don't know what damn day it is?
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09-29-2011 04:30 by
Danmanz
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Everytime you tell someone they got a piece of food on the side of their face, they always start wiping the opposite side of where its located....then you just wanna punch them for still not getting it.
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09-29-2011 04:28 by
Danmanz
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I sometimes go to my own little world, but that's okay, they know me there.
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09-29-2011 03:24 by
stringg38
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Its my birthday today and I am feeling so special even the supermarket doors are opening by themselves when they see me coming through.
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09-29-2011 03:01 by
KISSTOPHER
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dear Friday, I'm ready..
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09-29-2011 02:26 by
gee
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when someone says "Sh*t just got real!" does it mean everything was fake all along ? o_0
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09-29-2011 01:43
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botox, hair dye, liposuction, firming body cream ...your only hope now is to find the fountain of intelligence
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09-29-2011 01:32
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Just once I'd like to hear Obama say "Nigga Please".
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09-29-2011 01:23 by
takavoice
| Tags: Filtered
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ever notice Michael Moore looks like Peter Griffin
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09-28-2011 23:14
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