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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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there's a difference between smelling good and smelling like you marinated yourself in perfume.
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09-15-2011 10:04
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Sueing White Castle because You are too fat to fit in their booths is like putting the gun in jail for shooting someone. Sit in a chair instead! I <3 White Castle!
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09-15-2011 09:57
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Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
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09-15-2011 09:56 by
SEAN
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Seriously, what are you expecting to happen when you take nude photos of yourself? Especially when you are a dumba$$ whose password is "12345"
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09-15-2011 09:53
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My wife says I waste money on gadgets we don't need. At least that's what it says in the email she sent from the toaster.
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09-15-2011 09:49 by
@clarkysj
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attention celebrities: if you don't want naked self-pics leaked out to the public, STOP TAKING THEM!! damn b!tch!z
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09-15-2011 09:40 by
Matthews the Magnificent
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I judge a hotel by the complimentary shampoo and conditioner.
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09-15-2011 09:39 by
Goodeolboy
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wondering if fat drug dealers sell diet coke
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09-15-2011 09:33
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"I'm fat!" "Me too!" "Thigh five"
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09-15-2011 08:14 by
Ger
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Procrastinate like there's several tomorrows
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09-15-2011 08:14 by
Ger
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Experts say FREQUENT sex can reduce the chances of men developing prostate cancer. Ladies do your part in the fight against cancer.
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09-15-2011 06:48
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Its hard to understand someone who never explains.
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09-15-2011 05:09
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If sex was part of your CV, how many references would you have?
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09-15-2011 04:25
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Putting on a pretty shirt over my muffin top so I can make it a cupcake
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09-15-2011 03:53
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My orange phone contract needs to hurry up and end soon - my backup paper cups and string are starting to wear out.
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09-15-2011 03:42
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When problems are many, friends are few and spectators are plenty.
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09-15-2011 02:36
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You know its time to move on when you start falling asleep during sex.
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09-15-2011 02:35 by
BAD GUY
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I'm sorry I missed what you said, my bullsh*t filter was switched on
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09-15-2011 02:29
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Its funny how some people treat their relationship like a brand, complete with a pitch, advertising campaign and an audience.
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09-15-2011 02:13
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live life in the slow lane and get left behind...
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09-15-2011 01:37 by
@kraziedavid909
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