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Broke up with my crossed eyed boyfriend.. because he was seeing other people. 
if I'm not sure wich one you are in the picture, I'm going to assume you're the ugly one
vodka does for me what spinach does for Popeye.
Hey Motels, you can take the "Color TV" signs down now. We know....
“Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
When I win the lottery , the first thing I'm going to buy is a pot to piss in. I've always wanted one of those.
The Mayans were really talking about page #2012...
why is it so hard to understand women, its like I have to sit with a notepad n pen and study these basturds.
just gave the dollar to a cover for a bar with which I just did cocaine with
I want my head stone to read: He was survived by his family and 672 Facebook friends.
This cantelope scare is the first time men don't want to see melons
Oh man! I just heard Obama is coaching our team tonight.. Some public relations gimmick. He's giving the opposing team our quarterback, wide recievers and linebackers in the interest of spreading the wealth around.. :-/
a wife is somebody who won't tell you what to do but will get mad when you don't do what she wanted you to do
all those extreme couponers across together need to band together and propose a budget plan to the president
just took an inventory of my body and it seems to be overstocked in all the wrong places
Word of the day---FOCUS (fu@k off cuz ur stupid)
Now that I am older... I wear bell bottom pants so I can flash the guys a little easier!
Keep your head high, but your middle finger higher
Just put on the pajamas I'd like to be buried in, so no, I don't think I'll be going out tonight.
1. play a youtube video 2.pause it 3. hold left arrow for 3 seconds 4. then press up arrow while holding left arrow 5. play the snake game
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