Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   And who replied to this you are an amazing animal. evryone knows that.

   All my life I've blamed myself for having a weight problem. Turns out it was my mom's fault. It's not that she prepared fattening dishes, or made me eat a lot. It's just that instead of having an egg in her uterus, she had bacon.

   Slugs: are just homeless, snails.

   SARCASM- Because beating the crap out of people up is an offence.

   filling my blow up doll with helium so she plays hard to get

   Sometimes we fight because we have to , there is no other option. There is morally no other option There is a dignity in the struggle , which helps us understand our own identity.

   Ladies dont go after ugly rich men, Make your own money so you can hook-up with Hot poor guys like me.

   The Asian B0ner -> Often Mistaken For a Third N!pple.

   When it comes to sex, women who date asians appreciate the smaller things in life.

   I know the Flinstone characters are cartoons, but id "yabba dabba do" Betty! Just sayin.

   One bite of a cookie, and suddenly your on a plane to vegas with a hooker. Wth

   If you ever need to know who your real friends are just tell them you need help moving and see who shows up

   When you get out of a cab, always run in a zig-zag pattern!

   in theory, if you run around a tree at the speed of light, you could kick your own a$$!

   Life always play with us, when we are helpless..!!!

   #ThatAwkwardMoment when you are at a funeral and your phone rings.. you ring tone is "Another One Bites The Dust"

   i kinda think the nintendo character mario was on drugs...he ate mushrooms & thought turtles were attacking & had to save the princess from the biggest baddest turtle of them all...this is why you dont do shrooms kids

   September ended. Someone needs to wake up that Green Day guy.

   i dont wake up in the morning feeling like p diddy. I feel like crap -_-

   Broke up with my crossed eyed boyfriend.. because he was seeing other people.