Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I liked you a lot more before I met you.

   I delete the recent history from my profile for the same reasons I don't go to church. It gives people the wrong impression and it makes Jesus roll his eyes.

   It's ironic that there's only one I in Forest Whitaker.

   My life wasn't complete until I met you,,,,,,, You COMPLETELY ruined it. Thanks...

   Who the f*ck threw this "work" thing right in the middle of my Facebook time? Am I being Punked?

   She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of 10 said their place.

   Rolling a piece of toilet paper up and sticking it in your ear and just letting it hang there makes it awkward for people to talk to you.

   If Monday had a gender it would be female... they are always a b!tch. If they were easy, it'd be a slut.

   Wats the point of having emergency vehicle  turn the lights on n driving below the speed limit on an empty street! 

   We are the WTF generation : Wikipedia, Twitter and Facebook.

   When I stop talking and just walk away, it doesn't mean you've won. It means I'm not wasting any more time on your stupid ass.

   I drank so much this weekend, that if Dracula bit my neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

   Live each day like you're marked for deletion.

   Evolution is just nature's way of issuing upgrades.

   happy and I knew it and then I clapped my hand, everyone thought I was weirdo :/

   People who use anagram solver apps so they can always win at 'Words With Friends' I have one for you.....RHCTAETE

   Immature = A word boring people use to describe fun people.

   I bet it's tough being a police sketch artist in China.

   If you get nervous during sex, just pretend like everyone watching you is naked.

   Women rarely tell their age and men rarely act theirs.